Domestic violence cases are some of the most serious matters that come through New Jersey Family Court.
And one of the first things you need to understand is that there's a difference between behavior that is unhealthy, controlling or abusive and conduct that meets New Jersey's legal definition of domestic violence.
That distinction can become extremely important if you're considering seeking a restraining order.
Under New Jersey's Prevention of Domestic Violence Act, domestic violence involves certain specific acts committed against someone who is protected under the law.
Those acts include offenses such as assault, harassment, stalking, terroristic threats, criminal mischief, criminal restraint, sexual assault and cyber-harassment, among others. This is important because people sometimes use the term "domestic violence" to describe a much broader range of behavior.
A spouse may be controlling. A partner may constantly insult you, manipulate money, monitor where you go or make your life extremely difficult. Those behaviors may be very serious, and the surrounding circumstances can matter.
But when you're asking a New Jersey court for a restraining order, the legal analysis is more specific. The court has to determine whether the requirements of New Jersey's domestic violence law have actually been met.
The law isn't limited to married couples.
Depending upon the relationship, New Jersey's Prevention of Domestic Violence Act can protect someone who has experienced domestic violence by a current or former spouse, a present or former household member, someone with whom they have a child or anticipate having a child, or someone with whom they have had a dating relationship.
So you don't necessarily have to be married to seek protection under the Act.
This is an area where I think people need to be particularly careful about terminology.
Emotional abuse or financial control may be part of a much larger pattern of conduct. Threatening messages, repeated unwanted communications, stalking, restricting someone's movement or intentionally damaging property, for example, may potentially involve specific acts recognized under New Jersey law depending upon the facts.
But calling someone's behavior "emotional abuse" does not, by itself, establish that a legal act of domestic violence occurred. The details matter.
What exactly happened? What was said or done? Was there a threat? Was there unwanted contact? Was property damaged? Is there a history between the parties? Those facts are much more useful to a lawyer and ultimately to a court than simply putting a label on the relationship.
If you believe you need legal protection, you may be able to seek a Temporary Restraining Order, commonly called a TRO.
A TRO can contain significant protections depending upon the circumstances, including prohibiting contact, keeping the defendant away from certain locations, granting exclusive possession of a residence, addressing temporary custody and restricting possession of weapons.
A hearing is then scheduled at which the court determines whether a Final Restraining Order, or FRO, should be entered. Obtaining an FRO requires more than simply showing that the relationship was bad or that the parties frequently argued. The court generally considers whether a qualifying act of domestic violence occurred and whether restraints are necessary to protect the victim from immediate danger or further abuse.
The history between the parties can be important to that determination.
Domestic violence doesn't necessarily exist in isolation from a divorce or custody case.
If children are involved, allegations and findings of domestic violence can become particularly significant. New Jersey's custody statute specifically requires courts to consider the history of domestic violence, if any, as well as the safety of the child and either parent.
A restraining order can also address immediate issues involving the home, contact between the parties, temporary custody and parenting time. That's one reason these cases need to be approached carefully.
If you believe you're experiencing domestic violence, try to focus on the actual conduct rather than simply finding the right label for your spouse or partner.
Preserve communications and other evidence you already lawfully possess. Keep track of significant incidents and their dates. If there are witnesses, photographs, police reports or other relevant records, make sure your attorney knows about them.
And if you're in immediate danger, don't wait to speak with a divorce lawyer before seeking help. Contact law enforcement or emergency services.
Domestic violence cases are highly fact-specific, and the consequences can be significant for everyone involved. Understanding what New Jersey law actually considers domestic violence is an important first step.
If you're also considering separation or divorce, my free Divorce Smarter Course explains many of the legal and practical issues you should understand as you decide what to do next.
Until next time,
Steve