If you're considering divorce, your first meeting with a divorce lawyer can feel overwhelming.
You may have questions about your children, your house, alimony, your finances, or what your spouse is going to do next. At the same time, you're trying to decide whether the attorney sitting across from you is someone you trust to handle your case.
So what should you ask? After decades of practicing New Jersey divorce law, I think these are 10 good questions to start with.
You want to understand how frequently the attorney handles cases like yours. Does the lawyer regularly practice New Jersey divorce and family law, or is divorce one small part of a broader practice?
If your case involves complicated assets, a business, significant income, custody issues, or another unusual circumstance, ask about the attorney's experience with those issues specifically.
Experience isn't everything, but it's worth asking about. New Jersey divorce cases involve their own procedures, court rules, statutes, and practical considerations. You should know how much experience the attorney has working within that system.
Don't be afraid to ask what kinds of cases the lawyer typically handles and whether those cases resemble yours.
This is one of my favorite questions because it tells you whether the attorney is actually listening to you. After hearing the basic facts, the lawyer should be able to identify the issues that deserve attention.
Maybe that's custody. Maybe it's alimony. Maybe it's protecting a business, determining what happens to the marital home, understanding compensation, or dividing retirement assets. You want an attorney who can begin separating the important issues from the noise.
There isn't one strategy that works for every divorce. Ask the attorney how they would initially approach your particular situation and why.
That doesn't mean the lawyer can predict exactly what will happen during an initial consultation. Your strategy may change as additional information becomes available. But you should leave with some understanding of how the attorney thinks.
Be careful with anyone who makes litigation sound like the goal. Most divorce cases can potentially be resolved without a full trial, but there are also situations where court intervention becomes necessary.
You want a lawyer who is comfortable negotiating a reasonable settlement when that's in your best interests and equally prepared to litigate when a fair resolution can't be reached. The strategy should fit the case.
This is an important one. A lawyer shouldn't simply tell you what you want to hear.
Ask about the strengths and weaknesses the attorney sees in your position. If you're asking for something that may be unrealistic under New Jersey law or the facts of your case, you want an attorney who is willing to tell you that. Good legal advice isn't always the answer you hoped for.
Divorce cases can last months and sometimes longer, so communication matters. Ask who will be your primary point of contact, how the attorney typically communicates with clients, and what happens when you have a question or something urgent occurs.
You should also understand whether you'll work directly with the attorney throughout the case or regularly communicate with paralegals and other members of the legal team.
Neither approach is necessarily wrong. You just want to know what to expect.
Your attorney may not be the only person working on your divorce. Experienced paralegals and other professionals can play important roles in organizing financial information, preparing documents, communicating about scheduling, and helping move the case forward.
Ask who will be involved and what each person's role will be.
Don't wait until you've hired an attorney to understand how you'll be charged. Ask about the initial retainer, hourly rates, billing practices, and whether other members of the legal team bill at different rates.
You should also ask what factors could make your divorce more expensive. No attorney can tell you exactly what a divorce will ultimately cost at the first meeting, because so much depends upon the complexity of the case, the level of conflict, and how efficiently the issues can be resolved.
What your attorney should be able to do is explain clearly how the billing process works and what you can do to avoid unnecessary legal fees.
Before you leave the consultation, ask what steps you should be taking immediately.
Do you need to gather financial documents? Should you be reviewing bank, investment, or retirement accounts? Are there decisions involving the children that need attention? Is there anything you should specifically avoid doing?
Sometimes the smartest first step isn't filing for divorce tomorrow. It may be gathering information, understanding your finances, thinking carefully about your goals, or simply avoiding a decision that could make the situation more difficult.
You should leave your consultation with a clearer idea of what comes next.
A divorce consultation isn't only an opportunity for a lawyer to learn about you. It's also your opportunity to decide whether this is the person you want advising you through one of the most important legal and financial events of your life.
Pay attention to more than the answers to these 10 questions.
Does the attorney listen to you? Do they explain things in a way you understand? Are they realistic about your case? Do you feel pressured to fight over everything, or are they helping you identify what actually matters?
You don't need an attorney who promises you everything you want. You need someone who understands your goals, gives you realistic advice, and has a strategy for helping you get from where you are now to where you want to be when your divorce is over.
If you're preparing for a divorce and want to understand the process before making major decisions, my free Divorce Smarter Course will walk you through the major issues you'll encounter in a New Jersey divorce.
Until next time,
Steve