Although women significantly outnumber men as victims of domestic violence, domestic violence does not just happen to women.
A man once came into my office to discuss filing for divorce. During our consultation, he told me that his wife had physically threatened him with a knife and later told him that she felt she was likely to harm him.
The circumstances he described sounded real and potentially dangerous. Nonetheless, when I suggested that he seek the protection of the court by applying for a temporary restraining order (TRO), he minimized the danger to himself. When I told him that I would not represent him unless he got the protection that he so clearly needed, he hired other counsel.
So how does someone who is being abused or threatened obtain a restraining order in New Jersey?
Under New Jersey's Prevention of Domestic Violence Act, a person in a qualifying family, household, dating, or similar relationship may seek a restraining order when domestic violence has occurred. Depending on the circumstances, the court can temporarily prohibit the other person from returning to a shared residence, contacting the alleged victim, or being in the alleged victim's presence.
The process generally has two parts: obtaining a temporary restraining order (TRO) and then appearing in Superior Court to determine whether a final restraining order (FRO) should be entered.
The first part of the process involves the alleged victim going to the Superior Court or, depending on when help is needed, contacting the local police department. The person seeking protection will provide information describing the acts of domestic violence that allegedly occurred.
After reviewing that information and hearing testimony from the alleged victim, a judge will determine whether circumstances warrant the issuance of a temporary restraining order.
A TRO can include protections intended to keep the alleged victim safe while the case is pending, such as prohibiting contact or preventing the other party from returning to the shared residence.
The second part of the process is the court hearing, sometimes referred to as the "return date." Both parties appear in Superior Court, and an actual hearing or trial takes place.
The judge will hear testimony from the alleged victim and the response of the person accused of domestic violence. The court may also consider other evidence, including photographs, messages, documents, recordings, or other evidence presented by either side.
The judge then determines whether the legal requirements for a final restraining order have been met.
If they have not, the temporary restraining order will be dismissed. If they have, the judge can enter a final restraining order (FRO).
If a final restraining order is entered, the judge has a broad array of remedies available to protect the victim of domestic violence. Depending on the circumstances, those remedies may address possession of the residence, custody of children, parenting time, financial issues, restrictions on contact, and other appropriate protections.
It is important to understand that granting someone exclusive possession of a residence does not necessarily determine who ultimately owns the property. These are separate legal issues.
Of course, there are people who attempt to abuse the protections offered by New Jersey's domestic violence laws.
Restraining orders exist to protect people who are genuinely at risk. They should not be used simply as a way to gain leverage in a divorce or child custody dispute. Allegations of domestic violence are serious, and so are the consequences of a final restraining order.
That is why these cases need to be taken seriously by everyone involved.
The man who came to my office was in denial about the seriousness of his wife's conduct and threats. His family was frightened for him because they understood what he was having difficulty accepting: his wife might actually carry out those threats.
She had recently held a knife inches from his throat while threatening to kill him.
Yet he was still minimizing what had happened.
If you are questioning whether circumstances are serious enough to seek a restraining order, talking with a third party you trust can sometimes help you look at the situation more objectively. Ideally, that should be someone familiar with New Jersey's court system and domestic violence laws, such as an experienced attorney. A police officer or another qualified professional may also be able to help you understand your options.
People of any sex or background can be victims of domestic violence. If you are being threatened, harmed, stalked, harassed, or otherwise placed in danger by a spouse, former spouse, dating partner, or another person covered by New Jersey's domestic violence laws, there are legal protections available.
And if there is an immediate threat to your safety, contact law enforcement.
Until next time,
Steve