People often tell me that they want “full custody” of their children. But what does that actually mean?
Do they want to make all major decisions? Do they want the children to live primarily with them? Do they want the other parent’s time restricted or supervised?
These are different requests under New Jersey law.
Joint custody works for many families, but it is not appropriate in every case.
Joint legal custody generally means that both parents share responsibility for major decisions involving their child, including:
It does not necessarily mean that the child spends exactly half of the time with each parent.
Legal custody concerns decision-making. Physical custody concerns where the child lives and how parenting time is divided.
Joint legal custody is sometimes treated as the expected outcome in an NJ custody case. But it should not be an honorary title.
It requires both parents to place their child’s needs above their anger toward each other. They must be capable of exchanging important information, discussing major issues and making decisions that serve the child.
That does not mean divorced parents must like each other. They do not need to agree about everything.
But if every medical, educational or parenting decision turns into another battle, the arrangement may harm the child it is supposed to protect.
A court may consider granting one parent sole legal custody when the facts show that shared decision-making would not serve the child’s best interests.
Possible concerns may include:
No single allegation automatically determines custody. The court must evaluate the evidence and the effect of the parents’ conduct on the child.
Many divorcing parents have difficulty communicating. If ordinary conflict automatically eliminated joint custody, very few parents would qualify for it.
The important question is whether the parents have the potential to cooperate on issues affecting their child. In some cases, the court may try less drastic solutions before awarding sole custody.
These might include:
The goal is not to punish the more difficult parent, but to create an arrangement that works for the child.
Not necessarily. A parent may have sole authority over major decisions while the other parent continues to have regular parenting time.
Parenting time is a separate issue. It may be limited or supervised when safety requires it, but sole legal custody alone does not automatically eliminate the other parent’s relationship with the child.
Likewise, having primary physical custody does not necessarily give one parent complete control over major decisions.
New Jersey judges must focus on the child’s best interests.
Relevant factors include:
The court considers the entire family situation, not simply which parent demands “full custody” more forcefully.
If you believe joint custody would be harmful, focus on specific conduct. “My spouse is impossible” is not particularly helpful.
Instead, document missed medical appointments, refusal to discuss school problems, threatening communications, substance-related incidents or other behavior directly affecting the child.
Judges decide custody based on evidence, not labels.
Joint legal custody can benefit children when parents are capable of putting their differences aside and making responsible decisions together. But joint custody is not appropriate simply because it is common.
When parents cannot safely or effectively share decision-making, the court may need to give one parent greater or sole authority. The right arrangement is the one that protects the child’s safety, stability and well-being.
If custody may become an issue in your divorce, my free Divorce Smarter Course can help you understand your options before making decisions that affect your children.
Steve