What happens if you get halfway through your divorce and you and your spouse start wondering whether divorce is really the answer?
It happens. Maybe the anger that caused one of you to file has settled down. Maybe counseling is helping. Maybe you've started talking again. Or maybe you're simply not ready to make the marriage permanently over.
Filing for divorce doesn't necessarily mean you have to finish it. Depending on where your case stands, you may have several options.
The first option is to continue. If you and your spouse can resolve your issues, you may negotiate a Marital Settlement Agreement addressing property, debts, alimony, retirement, custody, parenting time, support, and other issues that apply to your case.
But if you're both having second thoughts, continuing toward a final Judgment of Divorce isn't your only possibility.
Years ago, I represented a woman I'll call Susan. She had filed for divorce when her marriage was in a very bad place. Months later, circumstances changed. She and her husband were talking again, getting along better, and she wasn't sure she wanted the divorce anymore.
One of the options we discussed was withdrawing her divorce complaint.
Whether and how you can dismiss a pending divorce depends on where the case stands and what your spouse has filed. That's why you should have your attorney review the case before simply trying to "cancel" your divorce.
And if the case is dismissed, that doesn't necessarily prevent either spouse from filing again later.
You may also decide that you're not ready to reconcile but aren't ready to divorce either.
New Jersey doesn't have the same traditional "legal separation" status that exists in some states, but married couples can live separately. Depending on your circumstances, you may also consider an agreement addressing financial and other issues while you remain married.
New Jersey also recognizes Divorce from Bed and Board, which resolves many of the issues associated with divorce without completely ending the marriage. Both spouses must agree to pursue it, and neither spouse can remarry while it remains in effect.
If you genuinely want to try to save the marriage, talk with your lawyer about that before taking the next major step in your case.
In some situations, spouses also consider a reconciliation agreement addressing certain financial issues if the reconciliation ultimately fails. These agreements require careful legal advice and aren't appropriate for everyone.
The larger point is that you don't have to continue moving toward divorce simply because you started the process.
Maybe you continue with the divorce. Maybe you reconcile. Maybe you remain separated for a while.
What matters is understanding the consequences of each option before choosing one.
If you're questioning whether to continue your divorce, speak with your attorney before withdrawing your complaint, signing an agreement, or making major changes to your current financial arrangements.
If you're still trying to understand your options, my free Divorce Smarter Course can help you understand the New Jersey divorce process before making your next decision.
Until next time,
Steve