Divorcing a Difficult Spouse in NJ?

“I think my spouse is a narcissist.”
Many new clients were confused, exhausted, and full of self-doubt.
Some told me that it had taken them years to put the pieces together.
As I thought about the behaviors that they were describing to me, I started realizing that what they were describing to me was actually in people all around me.
In my friends.

So I did what lawyers are supposed to do:
I studied it.
I read about narcissistic personality traits.
I went to seminars.
I talked to other professionals.
I watched how these cases played out in real New Jersey courtrooms.
And I have kept learning ever since.
If you are here because you have a high-conflict spouse and you think your spouse is a narcissist, I get it.
Of course, I am not a psychologist, and most likely, neither are you. We are not qualified to diagnose someone as a "narcissist".
And that's what this website is all about.
“Lori” From Holmdel (Not Her Real Name or Town)
“Lori” was scared, exhausted, and second-guessing everything.
Her husband:
Blamed her for every problem
Gaslit her until she questioned her own memory
Told the kids she was unstable
Intimidated her first lawyer into backing off
By the time she met me, she was not just asking for a divorce.
She said:
“I need a lawyer who can see the patterns, plan around them, and actually fight back.”
That meant more than just filing papers.
It meant understanding how narcissists often behave during divorce and building a strategy around that.
Divorces with spouses with narcissistic traits are rarely “normal.”
These types of divorce cases do not normally involve two reasonable people:
Dividing property
Sharing parenting time
Working out support
And moving on
Those cases have challenges too.
But compared to divorcing a narcissist, they are the easy ones.
With a high-conflict spouse, you may be facing:
Habitual lying
Financial manipulation
Smear campaigns and reputation attacks
“Flying monkeys”, like those surrounding the Wicked Witch of the West, from The Wizard of Oz.
Remember how they worshipped the Wicked Witch?
And then tried to harm Dorothy and her Friends to please the Witch?
Well, your narcissistic spouse may have her own "flying monkeys."
Those friends and family members who kiss the narcissist's backside and tell her how wonderful she is and agree with her descriptions of how awful you are.
And then they carry-out dirty deeds against YOU on the narcissist's behalf.
Let me ask you this: does YOUR narcissist have any "flying monkeys"?
Some of his family members perhaps?
Maybe one of her friends?
Former mutual friends?
Are these "flying monkeys" causing you grief?
You cannot control your spouse's behavior, or that of his "flying monkeys.".
But you CAN control how you prepare, how you respond, and how you present your case.
No lawyer can guarantee a specific outcome.
But having a strategy that anticipates these patterns can make a real difference.
What Our Clients Say:
"Steve Kaplan represented me in a grueling two year divorce. A trained attorney myself, I give Steve the highest marks."
F.M., Esq.
"As a psychotherapist, I have quite a few clients who have been represented by Steve Kaplan, and have found him to be honest, direct, approachable, and focused."
M.M.S., LCSW
"From the time of the initial consultation through to the end, I felt like I had a big brother in my corner that you did not want to mess with, who had an answer to any and every situation that might arise."
B.N.
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L.W.
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V.M., Esq.
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S.S., MD
"In addition to his caring demeanor, his knowledge of the law is unmatched."
K.L., Esq.
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J.R.
"Hands down, the best divorce attorney in New Jersey."
D.H.
"He is a very honest man and I believe his honesty is known throughout the Monmouth/Ocean county court system which gives him credibility with both judges and his peers."
A.A.
"Steve Kaplan is without question one of the most caring, knowledgeable and patient Divorce Lawyers."
D.Z.
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"One of New Jersey's best family law attorneys."
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M.W.
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C.Z.
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MJ
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B.P.
"Steve Kaplan is the only family law attorney I will ever refer anyone to see. He helped me through a difficult divorce with issues including child custody, child support and division of property about 10 years ago and has been available and easily reachable for any concerns I’ve had over the years since."
C.L.
"Steve advised me and worked with me each step of the way, always knowing the specific details of my case. He made me feel like we were working together as a team to get to a positive end result."
L.G.
"The absolute best experience with this team. Working with Steven was one of the best decisions I made during my process. Everyone, and I mean everyone at this firm was so pleasant to work with."
F.J.
"...He proved to be very compassionate and I want to thank him and Valerie for their professionalism throughout the process. Highly Recommend."
C.C.
"He goes the extra mile to make sure that he has all the important information needed to assist the client and reach the best results. I was very satisfied and highly recommend Steve."
P.J.
"Steven takes the time to personally understand your case. He is definitely a great lawyer, who works for his clients , and it's never driven by money, you come first...this is a rare trait in this world today."
P.S.
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K.M.
"Steven J. Kaplan took what was literally a spiraling out of control legal situation due to a conflict between two other attorneys....he locked it down and wrapped it up with a mutually agreeable bow for two formerly warring ex-spouses who share a minor child. He makes miracles happen."
P.Y.
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R.M., Esq.
"Perfect!"
P.S.
"5 Stars"
J.M.
"I found him to be a compassionate, caring professional with a good grasp of the details at a time when I was drowning in a lot of difficult feelings. I have concluded the dissolution of my marriage, and have the strength to carry on, and I give him and his firm a lot of credit for that."
P.O.
My "DIVORCE SMARTER" Course
I created the course so that people like you could move from confusion to clarity, even before we ever speak.
Inside the course, you will learn how to:
Understand common narcissist divorce tactics
Protect your finances and your reputation
Prepare for battles over custody and parenting time
Build a realistic strategy for a fair and reasonable outcome
It is not therapy.
It is not theory.
It is a practical "divorce education" focused on helping you effectively obtain a better and fairer result in your New Jersey divorce case.