Let me share a story with you about a recent client's case against his narcissistic wife.

Seeing how he ultimately worked out a reasonable settlement with his  unreasonable & narcissistic wife will give you ideas for how to best handle your upcoming divorce from your narcissistic spouse.

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"My wife is a narcissist and I just found out that she is sleeping with my best friend. I want a divorce!"

That's what "Robert" told me about his wife, "Nicole," when he first came in. (note: fictitious names)

Robert's a good guy who has gone through hell, but he's turned it all around and made a great life for himself and his kids.

Here's what happened...

On May 14, 2024 at 5:15 am, like every other weekday morning for the past 19 years, Robert left his house in Holmdel for the long commute to his office in Manhattan.

Merrill Lynch has an office in Red Bank that he could work at, but he makes far more money in the city.

And living in Monmouth County is expensive.

It's a long day, but he is proud that it allows him to provide his family with a solid 6-figure income.

Robert and his wife, Nicole, live in Holmdel with their three kids.

Nicole stopped working when they had their first child 15 years ago, and has been a homemaker ever since.

His married life was not perfect, he confided in me.

"But whose is?" he said.

His wife overspends.

She's often self-absorbed.

"She takes care of her needs and doesn't really consider mine" he told me.

Nonetheless, Robert said that he was happy enough.

But he was not happy that his wife had lost her desire to have marital relations.

“Hormones”, she told him.

"And you get home from work so late. I'm lonely."

He trusts Nicole.

They love each other dearly, Robert told himself.

Yet something didn't feel right.

“She must be a narcissist, like her mother," he started thinking to himself.

A week before he came to see me he became suspicious enough to put a tracking device on Nicole's car "....just to make sure she wasn't cheating."

Nothing unusual showed up for the first 7 days, which made Robert feel guilty for questioning Nicole's faithfulness.


THE BETRAYAL

Then at 12:42 PM on May 14, 2024, Robert's life changed forever.

The tracking device notified his iPhone that Nicole's car was in his best friend's garage.

What the hell was she doing there?

"Hi Honey!" he said into his phone, his heart pounding out of his chest, feeling the drenching sweat rolling down his hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, you know, just the same old thing. Got the kids off to school, and now I'm cleaning the house. I can't wait to get out of here, but I've just been too busy today.”

Then a long, uncomfortable silence.

They both knew.

He called his best friend, Alan.

The phone rang 8 times.

Then voicemail.

"What ‘cha doin’, buddy? Give me a call back ASAP."

The call was not returned.


ROBERT IS FURIOUS

He stormed into the house two hours early:

"I'm outta here!" he blurted out as he moved past Nicole to the master bedroom to grab some personal things.

"If you weren't working all the time, you would have noticed how unhappy I've been!" she screamed at him.

"I want a divorce, you devious, cheating narcissist!" he yelled back at her.

"YOU want a divorce? I'll give you a divorce that you'll never forget, you obsessive-compulsive workaholic!"

"Workaholic? I bust my ass to give you everything you've ever asked for, and you do this, with THAT sleazy bum Alan?

You won't get a damn nickel from me, and I'll take custody of the kids from you.

You are an unfit parent!" Robert laughed nervously at her.

"YOU caused this. It's not my fault. I'm gonna go for the jugular and take you for everything that you've got!" Nicole blurted out.

Robert shook his head 3 times.

"SHE cheats on ME with MY best friend, and now SHE says that she is going to go for the jugular" Robert said.

"What a narcissistic nut job. How the hell did I ever marry that wacko?"

It's over.

He has integrity.

He can accept many things, but betrayal is not one of them.

He's done.


HIS CONCERNS

"That narcissistic bitch isn't getting any of my 401(k), my IRA, my pension, or any of my stocks.

She deserves nothing from me.

Let that jackass, ex-best friend of mine, support her."

In addition, Robert has decided that he is going to apply to the Court for custody.

He feels that Nicole is unfit, and the kids would rather live with him anyway.

He wants a full psychological report done on her "...to prove that she is a narcissistic nut."


ROBERT NEEDS HELP

At times, through his rage, Robert realizes that he is speaking and acting irrationally, but he is having trouble being calm right now.

The next morning on the ferry to Manhattan, a commuter friend recommended my online NJ Divorce Course to him.

He looked at some of the articles, and he liked what he read.

So he signed up for the course, called STEVE KAPLAN'S DIVORCE COURSE, which provided him with a lot of knowledge and emotional comfort.

Ultimately he hired us to represent him in his divorce case.

We helped him understand the law, and in particular, the way that Monmouth County divorce court judges tend to apply the law in situations like his.

Together, we explored a series of realistic settlement possibilities.

I also recommended several therapists and financial experts to him.

Robert hired a therapist who helped him deal with his feelings of betrayal, got him to slow down and think about his goals, and helped him focus on what type of custody arrangement is in the best interest of his children.

He also hired a financial advisor, who helped him get a better grasp on his finances and helped him prepare his Case Information Statement to support his divorce case's financial theory.

He and Nicole attended a custody mediation program at the Monmouth County Court House in Freehold.

We exchanged multiple settlement proposals with Nicole's lawyer.

Robert and Nicole, with their attorneys' assistance, participated in mediation of the economic issues.


THEY SETTLED

Ultimately, Robert settled the case in a way that meets his needs and the needs of his children.

Nicole was not able to "take him for all that he's got."

Not even close.

It was a fair deal.

There was no need for an expensive, drawn-out contested divorce trial.

Issues of custody and money were worked out fairly.

Ultimately, he and Nicole had a simple uncontested divorce hearing before Judge Rescinio in the Monmouth County Family Court in Freehold.

ROBERT'S LIFE GOT BACK ON TRACK

Robert stopped in to say "hello" recently.

He looks like a new man.

The rage from Nicole's betrayal that at one time had consumed him is gone.

He told us that his relationship with his children has never been better, and that he was surprised to find that he is not lonely but rather he's enjoying his freedom.

He's dating.

He's able to afford to do what's important to him.

"Life is good!" he told us.

SOUND FAMILIAR?

My guess is that you are at this website because like Robert, you may have also reached a breaking point.

Being married to a narcissist like Robert was can be really tough. 

But so can being married to someone who suffers from bi-polar disorder, with the frequent "highs" and "lows" seeming to come from nowhere and making your life unbearable.

Or maybe it's alcohol.

Drugs.

Controlling behavior.

Adultery.

Lying.

Overspending.

Obsessive behavior.

Often it is a combination of these things that causes someone to consult with me.

WHATEVER THE CAUSE, YOU PROBABLY FEEL THAT A DIVORCE MAY BE COMING, AND YOU HAVE SERIOUS CONCERNS.

You are seeking direction.

"What are my options?"

"What should my next step be?"

You feel a need to find out how to best protect your kids and your assets, and you need to be sure that you'll have enough money if you do actually divorce. 

You don't want to fight; you just want to be fair.

But your spouse is angry at you.

And you know that when your narcissistic spouse is angry, all hell breaks out.

So you do not think that your spouse will be fair to you.

You may fear that you could be taken advantage of if you are not careful. 

Or you may be concerned about what the future holds for you.

There is uncertainty, and the uncertainty may be making you fearful.

Thoughts of being alone again, of returning to the dating scene, and of being a single parent can add to your already over-burdened mind.

It may have become difficult for you to sleep.

And so you are tired...

I UNDERSTAND.

I understand the many stressors that people like "Robert" (and maybe you) who are facing the possibility of a divorce often confront.

Every day for the past 37 years I have worked with divorcing people who had concerns like yours.

I am highly trained and experienced as a divorce specialist.

And, for the past 37 years, I have also personally experienced what divorcing families go through.  (CLICK FOR MY BACKGROUND)

THERE'S A LOT MORE FREE HELP AVAILABLE

If you are considering separating or filing for divorce, the most important thing for you to do before doing anything else is to learn how to protect yourself, your children, and your assets.

I'll show you how to do it.

I've specialized in N.J. divorce law for 37 years right here in Monmouth County. My office is right on Route 34 in Colts Neck (by Delicious Orchards.)

I "get it" and I'm here to help.

I offer a free divorce course to help you analyze your options.

You should sign up right now.

It's totally anonymous.

I don't even ask for your name.

We just need an email address...ANY email address...to send the material to.

STEVE KAPLAN'S DIVORCE COURSE will teach you how to turn your situation around to your advantage.

Every divorce case is different.

My emails will teach you, in an easy to understand way, everything that you need to know to help you make the right decisions based upon the particular facts of your situation.

I get emails from strangers all the time thanking me for making this information available to them online at no cost, and I'm pretty certain that you, too, will get a lot of value from my emails.

And if you want to stop the emails, I made it really easy for you to do that... one click on any email stops the course.

But few people do that...because the material is really helpful to anyone who is even just beginning to think about getting a divorce here in NJ