That's what most people who come to consult with me ultimately tell me.

"I'm afraid of not having enough time with my kids."

"I'm frightened about the posssibility of not having enough money to pay my bills."

"I'm scared to death about how my spouse's mental health issues may affect my kids."

"I'm petrified of the risk that my kids will bear by my spouse's ongoing substance abuse issues."

"My spouse is a terrible role model, and even if I have custody, I am greatly concerned about the negative influence that my spouse will have on our children."

Marriage didn't start out with so many fears at first, and most people tell me that they were at one time very much carefree.

There was a beautiful, special wedding.

Married life was exciting in their first home, often a rental.

Then came the first pregnancy and the wonders of preparing for childbirth.

Then one child, followed by more children. 

And then a house. Summers at the beach. Preschool costs. New, fancier cars.

A nicer, more expensive house. New furniture as the kids grew. Summer camp.

And the expenses go on and on because living in New Jersey is expensive. 

As life got more expensive, it also got more complicated, leading to stress.

The stress did not end and it grew, ultimately becoming overwhelming stress.

This lead to some "self help" coping mechanisms, like overspending, lying, drinking too much, drugs, fighting or cheating.

Whatever your journey with your spouse has been, I am guessing that you are at this website because although your marriage started out much better, now you have reached a breaking point.

Now, the two of you are sleeping in separate bedrooms, there is limited communication between you, and the communication that does exist includes calling each other unhelpful names, like "bi-polar," "narcissist," "obsessive," and "control freak."

Your goal had been to patch things up. And so you have given it your all.  You wanted to keep your life and the lives of your children intact. You didn't want a divorce.

So you tried marriage counseling, but it  didn't do much help. Your spouse continued to blame you for everything that's wrong with the marriage, while accepting no responsibility.

Ultimately, you realized that you cannot fix your marriage alone, and your spouse does not seem to have any interest in trying to work things out.

 

You've decided That You're Done. Now What?

You know that a divorce may be coming, and you have some fears.

Most significantly, you want to find out how to best protect your kids, your assets, and your income. 

You don't want to fight. You just want to be fair.

But you're not so sure how fair your spouse will be to you, and you fear that you may be taken advantage of. 

You are concerned about money issues and over issues with the children. You feel that your spouse is irresponsible.

In particular, you are wondering what the future might hold for you. There is uncertainty regarding:

  • How you can maintain significant child custody rights?
  • How you can protect yourself if your spouse is trying to hide money?
  • How you can make sure that you can survive financially?
  • Whether alimony and child support will actually be set at reasonable levels?
  • Whether you will receive a fair share of the retirement accounts, the savings, and the house?

Thoughts of being alone again, of returning to the dating scene, and of being a single parent are adding to your already over-burdened mind.

It has become hard for you to sleep.

You are tired much of the time as a result. 

 

I UNDERSTAND.

I understand the many fears that people who are facing the possibility of a divorce often confront.

Every day for the past 32 years I have worked with divorcing men and women in New Jersey who had fears that were similar to your fears. Ultimately, most of them were able to successfully address those fears and come out stronger on the other side of their divorces.

One of the things that helped me to help my clients so well was the reality that every night I go home to a step-family environment where I have personally experienced some of the same concerns. (CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT "MY STORY")

 

WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW TO START MANAGING YOUR DIVORCE-RELATED FEARS.

The old saying, "Knowledge Is Power" certainly is true when it comes to divorce.

The more that you learn about how child custody works, how assets are divided, how alimony and child support are determined, and all related issues, the sooner your anxiety about these issues will start to disappear.

To take your focus off of your fears and instead put it on learning about your options to handle these issues, CLICK HERE to begin reading my "NJ Divorce Course."

This online educational course contains articles about virtually any divorce-related topic that you would like to learn more about.

The course contains 85 of my articles that I have organized into 14 online lessons that you can review in any order that you wish.

The knowledge that these easy-to-read articles will give you is the best way that I have discovered for potential divorcing people to learn how to conquer their divorce-related fears.

If you'd like to meet with me personally, call me at (732) 845-9010 or SEND ME AN EMAIL BY CLICKING HERE. We'll get you in quickly for a detailed "Divorce Analysis Session" with me.

When we meet, we will carefully go over the facts of YOUR case, your particular fears and concerns, and we will discuss the most productive ways to attempt to resolve those issues in a way that most satisfactorily meets your needs and goals.

skaplan

I designed this website to offer help to anyone who is willing to take the time to read the articles and learn from them.

Take advantage of this resource...spend some time going through these articles.

I promise that they will help you.

Steve Kaplan