One of the first questions people ask me after discovering an affair is:
“Will cheating affect alimony?”
The honest answer in New Jersey is simple:
No. It won’t.
And I know that’s not the answer that someone who has been cheated on wants to hear.
I get it.
You made a commitment.
You kept it.
But your spouse broke it.
You want fairness.
You want accountability.
You want the court to see what happened.
But New Jersey divorce law does not punish adultery.
Maybe it should.
But the truth is that it doesn't.
Not in alimony.
Not in property division.
Not in child custody or parenting time.
There is one exception:
If a spouse passes on an incurable STD, that becomes a different legal issue.
Aside from that, adultery usually does not change the financial or custody outcome of your divorce.
I completely understand the frustration that comes with this answer.
People feel blindsided, betrayed, humiliated.
They want the legal system to acknowledge the damage done.
But in New Jersey, the reality is this:
The court will not force your spouse to “pay” for cheating.
That means your decisions now have to be grounded in strategy, not anger — even though the anger is real and justified.
Your real choices are:
• Try to repair the marriage (with or without counseling)
• Separate
• Move forward with divorce
I can help you understand the legal path for each option.
My first adultery consultation was in September 1987 — the first month of my career.
A new client told me she had been unfaithful and was terrified that it would destroy her case.
I didn’t know the answer yet— remember, I was new — so I asked the Senior Partner.
He stormed into the room and said, with zero sensitivity but complete accuracy:
“You could sleep with the entire New York Giants football team and it wouldn’t affect your husband's obligation to pay you alimony!”
Crude? Absolutely.
But legally accurate?
Yes.
And that has stayed true for all 37 years that I’ve been practicing divorce law in New Jersey.
If adultery brought you here, your questions are likely bigger than “Will I get more alimony?”
Most clients want to understand things like:
• How to protect their kids
• Whether trust can ever be rebuilt
• What happens to the house
• Whether finances will be fair
• And whether they can start over without being taken advantage of
These are the issues that actually affect your future — and the issues New Jersey courts will make decisions on if you cannot settle the issues without court involvement.
Finding out your spouse cheated is painful.
For some people, the marriage survives.
For many, it doesn’t.
If you’re starting to think about separation or divorce, the smartest thing you can do right now is get informed before you take any action.
My free NJ Divorce Course will walk you through:
• How to protect yourself
• How to protect your children
• How to protect your financial stability
• How to avoid costly mistakes
• How New Jersey courts actually make decisions
There are no guarantees in court.
But there is knowing what you’re doing — and that alone can change everything.
You don’t need to decide anything today.
Just take a step toward clarity.
Join my free NJ Divorce Course using the form on this page.
Or, if you need personal guidance, call my assistant Valerie at (732) 845-9010 and she’ll schedule a time for us to speak.
I’ve been doing this work for 37 years.
I understand the hurt.
I understand the confusion.
And I’m here to help you make the best decisions for your future.
Steve
Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.
Specializing In Divorce
Throughout New Jersey
5 Professional Circle
Colts Neck, NJ 07722
(732) 845-9010
www.KaplanDivorce.com