Your spouse cheated on you.
Or maybe they were abusive, controlling, or did something else that helped destroy your marriage.
So when you file for divorce, shouldn't you make sure the judge knows exactly what your spouse did?
You can... But in most New Jersey divorces, I don't recommend it.
Let's say your spouse cheated on you. You're angry, hurt, and understandably feel betrayed.
Your first instinct might be:
"Of course I'm filing based on adultery. My spouse caused this divorce."
Or maybe you believe you have grounds based on extreme cruelty and want every terrible thing your spouse did included in the divorce complaint.
I understand the instinct.
But after decades of practicing New Jersey divorce law, I've seen what can happen next.
One spouse makes accusations. The other gets angry and responds with accusations of their own.
Back and forth it goes. Nobody gets anywhere. And the lawyers aren't free.
Usually, not nearly as much as people think.
Filing based on adultery or extreme cruelty generally doesn't mean you're automatically going to receive more money, more favorable custody terms, or a better divorce settlement.
There are exceptions where marital conduct can become relevant.
But for most people, proving whose "fault" the divorce was isn't where I recommend spending your time, energy, and legal fees.
New Jersey allows you to file for divorce based on irreconcilable differences.
You generally need to allege that your differences have caused the breakdown of your marriage for at least six months and that there is no reasonable prospect of reconciliation.
That's it.
You don't have to start your divorce by attacking your spouse.
And if you're hoping to settle your case without spending a fortune fighting, that's usually a much better way to begin.
Yes.
New Jersey recognizes other grounds for divorce, including adultery, extreme cruelty, 18 months of separation, desertion, addiction, institutionalization for mental illness, imprisonment, and deviant sexual conduct.
Depending on the facts of your case, another ground may make sense.
But just because you can file based on fault doesn't mean you should.
Divorce is hard enough.
Don't start your case by "going for the jugular" unless there's a good legal reason to do it.
For most of my clients, I recommend filing based on irreconcilable differences and focusing our attention on the things that will actually affect their future: their children, their finances, their home, and their assets.
Choosing the right NJ divorce ground isn't about proving that your spouse was a jerk.
It's about choosing the approach that gives you the best chance of getting through your divorce without making an already difficult situation worse.
Until next time,
Steve