In 2007, New Jersey added irreconcilable differences as a ground for divorce.
As a New Jersey divorce lawyer, I almost always recommend that my clients file for divorce based on irreconcilable differences.
Here's why.
You Don't Add Fuel to the Fire
Nobody wants to receive divorce papers accusing them of ruining the marriage, even if they did behave badly. Filing based on irreconcilable differences avoids starting the case with a list of accusations against your spouse.
You're essentially saying: "We've reached a point where the marriage cannot be repaired, and it's time to move forward."
In an already emotional situation, there is usually little benefit to adding more fuel to the fire.
What Are Irreconcilable Differences in a NJ Divorce?
Irreconcilable differences is a broad ground for divorce under New Jersey law.
You don't need to identify one specific event that caused your marriage to end. The differences simply must have caused the breakdown of the marriage, and there must be no reasonable prospect of reconciliation.
That makes irreconcilable differences appropriate for many divorcing couples.
Your marriage is over. You don't necessarily need to prove why.
You Don't Have to Prove Marital Misconduct
This is one of the biggest advantages of filing for divorce based on irreconcilable differences in New Jersey. You don't need to prove that your spouse committed adultery, deserted you, behaved cruelly, or engaged in some other specific misconduct just to establish grounds for divorce.
You allege that irreconcilable differences have caused the breakdown of your marriage and that there is no reasonable prospect of reconciliation.
No courtroom drama. No laundry list of everything your spouse did wrong. And no unnecessary fight over who caused the marriage to end.
The Six-Month Requirement
New Jersey law requires that the irreconcilable differences have existed for at least six months before filing your divorce complaint.
The differences must have caused the breakdown of the marriage, and there must be no reasonable prospect that you and your spouse will reconcile.
Importantly, this does not mean you need to live separately for six months before filing for divorce based on irreconcilable differences.
You can still be living under the same roof.
Why I Usually Recommend Irreconcilable Differences
For most of my clients, there is very little advantage to beginning a divorce by making unnecessary allegations against their spouse.
Divorce is difficult enough. Why start the case with an accusation if you don't need to?
Filing based on irreconcilable differences allows you to focus on the issues that will actually determine your future:
- Alimony
- Child custody and parenting time
- Child support
- Division of assets and debts
- The marital home
- Retirement accounts
- Business interests
- Other financial issues
Those are usually the battles worth focusing on.
Does the Reason for the Divorce Affect the Outcome?
Many people assume that proving their spouse was responsible for the end of the marriage will automatically give them an advantage when it comes to alimony, custody, or dividing property.
Generally, that's not how New Jersey divorce works.
There can certainly be circumstances where a spouse's conduct becomes relevant to a particular issue.
But in most cases, spending time and money fighting over why the marriage ended does not help you resolve the financial and child-related issues that actually need to be decided.
That's another reason I generally prefer irreconcilable differences.
The Bottom Line
If you are filing for divorce in New Jersey, irreconcilable differences is usually the ground I recommend.
It avoids unnecessary accusations, doesn't require you to prove marital misconduct, and allows you and your attorney to focus on the issues that actually matter.
Your marriage is ending. You don't need to make the process more hostile than it already is.
If you are considering separating or filing for divorce in New Jersey, learn how the process works before you start making major decisions.
My free Divorce Smarter Course explains the issues you need to understand to protect yourself, your children, and your assets.
Until next time,