Going through a divorce can feel like paddling upstream against a powerful current.
You work hard to move forward, but your spouse, the legal process or your own fear seems determined to push you backward.
I understand that feeling.
My job is to help my clients keep paddling, even when the current is strong, until we get them where they need to go.
The image of paddling upstream has stayed with me for most of my life. Long before I became a New Jersey divorce lawyer, I once had to do it literally.
During college, I spent part of my summers leading canoe trips down the Delaware River for a children’s camp.
One hot July day, I was leading a group of children and counselors through a moderately challenging series of rapids. I went first to show everyone the safest route.
The first few canoes followed me without a problem. Then the fourth canoe went off course, became wedged between two large rocks and flipped onto its side. Two frightened children were trapped inside it as river water rushed through the canoe.
The remaining canoes had already traveled downstream. I was the only guide close enough to help. The problem was that I was about 200 yards below the stranded canoe.
To reach them, I would have to paddle upstream by myself against the current.
I remember thinking: “How am I going to do that?” But it was one of those moments when you stop thinking and simply do what needs to be done.
I lowered my center of gravity and began using a powerful J-stroke to keep the canoe moving straight. Stroke after stroke, I made my way upstream.
To my surprise, I was moving faster than I thought possible.
Then I missed the water with my paddle.
With nothing resisting the force of my stroke, I lost my balance and smashed the paddle into my mouth, shattering a front tooth.
I felt the pain immediately. Pieces of tooth filled my mouth.
But two children were still trapped upstream. So I kept paddling.
I eventually reached their canoe, positioned mine against the rocks and helped them climb aboard. The three of us then traveled safely through the rapids together.
That experience has stayed with me for more than 40 years. It taught me that a situation can look overwhelming and still be manageable once you have a plan and begin moving forward.
It also taught me that something unexpected will probably happen along the way.
You may lose your balance. You may get hurt. You may face an obstacle you never saw coming.
But you keep paddling.
Many people come to me feeling like that canoe wedged between two rocks. They are frightened, exhausted and unsure how to move forward.
Their spouse may be controlling the money, creating conflict over the children or refusing to negotiate reasonably. The case may seem to be going nowhere.
Getting unstuck requires clear thinking, a good plan and hard work.
That is the part of my job I find most rewarding.
For 38 years, I have helped people move through some of the most difficult fights of their lives. I cannot promise that the current will always be gentle or that nothing unexpected will happen.
But I can help you understand the challenges, build a strategy and continue moving toward the other side.
If your New Jersey divorce feels like you are paddling upstream, do not let fear convince you that you are powerless.
Learn what you are facing. Develop a plan. Prepare for the unexpected.
Then keep paddling.
My free Divorce Smarter Course can help you understand the New Jersey divorce process and begin making more informed decisions about your future.