So… you helped raise a child who isn’t biologically yours.
You might have changed diapers, went to parent-teacher conferences, made doctor’s appointments, and showed up for bedtime stories — every single night.
Now the relationship with the child’s legal parent is ending, and you’re afraid of losing the child who feels like your own.
Under New Jersey law, there may be a way to protect that bond.
You may qualify to be recognized as the child’s psychological parent.
Here’s how New Jersey courts decide who meets that standard — and what it can mean for you.
The court first looks at whether the child’s legal parent invited and supported your parental role.
Did they introduce you to teachers as “Mom” or “Dad”? Did they encourage the child to rely on you emotionally and practically?
If so, that’s a powerful sign the relationship was intended to be parental — not temporary or casual.
Next, the judge examines whether you and the child shared a home long enough to create a family unit.
Daily routines — shared meals, school mornings, holidays together — all help show that your role went far beyond that of a visitor or babysitter.
The court also looks at what you actually did.
Did you feed, clothe, and care for the child? Help with homework? Take the child to doctors’ visits? Provide financial support or guidance?
Fulfilling those duties demonstrates you functioned as a true parent in every practical sense.
Finally, the judge asks whether the child developed a lasting emotional attachment to you — one that, if broken, would cause real harm.
Teachers, relatives, therapists, or family friends can help describe that bond.
The more evidence of love, reliance, and daily connection, the stronger your case becomes.
If a New Jersey court finds you meet these four tests, you gain nearly the same rights and responsibilities as a biological parent.
You can ask for custody, parenting time, or shared decision-making — and the judge must weigh your role in the child’s life just as seriously as the legal parent’s.
These cases are among the most emotional in family law.
They often arise after breakups between unmarried partners, stepparents and biological parents, or same-sex couples where one partner isn’t biologically related.
To protect your standing:
Keep detailed records of your caregiving role.
Stay child-focused — the court always looks to the child’s best interests.
Get experienced legal advice from someone who has handled psychological-parent cases in New Jersey.
If you’re facing the heartbreak of losing contact with a child you helped raise, we may be able to help you.
I have practiced
I would be happy to discuss the details of your particular case with you.
Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.
Specializing in Custody & Divorce
Throughout New Jersey
5 Professional Circle
Colts Neck, New Jersey 07722
www.KaplanDivorce.com
(732) 654-6572