In 1986, I was a young lawyer beginning my judicial clerkship with a N.J. Family Court Judge.

 

During the week, I watched

divorce cases move through the court system.

I learned how judges think.

I learned how lawyers negotiate.

I basically learned how divorce is SUPPOSED to work.

 

But that was only half my "divorce education".

Because at the exact same time, I was dating

a divorced woman with two young children.

One evening, I met those children for the first time.

The little boy was two years old.

His father dropped him off at the house.

As the little boy walked inside, he looked at the walls.

Then the stairs.

Then the ceiling.

Then the furniture.

He looked confused.

Not because he was visiting someplace unfamiliar.

Because he was standing in his own home.

I remember thinking:

This is what divorce looks like in real life.

Not court papers.

Not legal arguments.

Not statutes.

People.

Parents.

Children.

Fear.

Confusion.

Heartbreak.

And decisions that follow families for years.

 

THAT MOMENT CHANGED ME.

During the week, I was learning divorce in court.

On weekends, I was learning divorce inside a family.

And I realized something that has stayed with me for nearly 40 years:

Divorcing people make some of the biggest decisions of their lives without ever being taught nearly enough about how divorce really "works".

 

That, to me, seemed to be ridiculous.

 

Divorce education should not begin AFTER bad decisions have been made and people get harmed.

 

Rather, it should begin BEFORE someone makes that bad decision.

 

THAT is the whole idea behind Divorce Smarter.

 

ADDITIONAL BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION

I received my Eagle Scout award at age 16 in 1973. Working toward the Eagle rank was one of the most significant things that I have ever done. It was all about integrity, hard work, and helping other people. Good stuff.

I paid for both college and law school by playing guitar with a band.