Divorce is stressful. There's really no way around it.
You're dealing with lawyers, finances, your home, possibly custody and parenting time, and major questions about what your life is going to look like when this is all over. At the same time, you're expected to continue working, taking care of your family, paying your bills, and functioning like everything is normal.
After decades of practicing divorce law in New Jersey, I've learned that managing that stress isn't just important for your health. It can help you make better decisions during your divorce.
Don't Let Stress Make Your Decisions
When you're overwhelmed, every disagreement can feel urgent. An email from your spouse can ruin your entire day. A relatively small dispute can suddenly feel like something you absolutely have to fight about.
That's when I want my clients to slow down.
Before responding to an angry message, making a financial decision, or telling your lawyer to fight over something, give yourself enough time to think about whether it actually matters to the outcome of your divorce.
You don't need to react to everything immediately.
Find Something That Gets You Away From the Divorce
Everyone needs a way to shut the divorce off for a while. Exercise works for some people. Meditation works for others. Maybe it's spending time with friends, going for a walk, or doing something completely unrelated to your case.
For me, it's the ocean.
I remember one December 21st when it happened to be 64 degrees in New Jersey. I drove down to the boardwalk in Allenhurst and worked from my car for several hours.
Every few minutes, a boat would go by. I'd stop working and watch it. I'd look at the waves, the water, and the seagulls. For a few minutes, it felt more like summer than the first day of winter.
And it didn't feel much like work.
That's one of the ways I've learned to step away from the stress of being a divorce lawyer.
Your Divorce Doesn't Have to Consume Your Life
Your divorce is important. The decisions you make can affect your finances, your children, and your future for years.
But your divorce cannot become your entire life.
Give yourself permission to stop thinking about it sometimes. Don't spend every night rereading emails from your spouse or researching divorce law. Don't allow every disagreement to become a crisis.
Stay informed. Protect yourself. Listen to your lawyer. But also find something that allows you to step away from the case and feel normal again.
Sometimes that's more important than you realize.
If you're preparing for divorce and part of your stress comes from simply not knowing what to expect, my free Divorce Smarter Course can help you understand the New Jersey divorce process and the decisions ahead.
Until next time,
Steve