In New Jersey, extreme cruelty is one of the legal grounds you can use to file for divorce.
And despite the name, extreme cruelty does not necessarily mean physical violence.
It can include physical or mental cruelty that makes it unreasonable to expect you to continue living with your spouse.
So what actually qualifies as extreme cruelty in a New Jersey divorce?
Under New Jersey divorce law, extreme cruelty can include physical or mental cruelty that endangers your safety or health, or makes it improper or unreasonable for you to continue living with your spouse.
That definition is intentionally broad.
It recognizes that cruelty within a marriage doesn't always leave a bruise.
Emotional and psychological mistreatment can be extremely damaging, too.
Extreme cruelty can potentially include behavior such as:
Every marriage is different.
A court looks at the actual circumstances rather than simply checking whether a particular behavior appears on a list.
This surprises a lot of people.
Extreme cruelty does not necessarily require one terrible, dramatic event.
It can involve a pattern of behavior over time.
Maybe your spouse repeatedly humiliates you. Maybe your spouse isolates you from your family and friends. Maybe you're constantly being intimidated, controlled, or made to feel unsafe in your own home.
Those behaviors may not leave visible injuries. That doesn't mean they aren't serious.
If you file for divorce in New Jersey based on extreme cruelty, you generally need to provide enough information about the conduct underlying your claim.
Simply saying "my spouse was cruel to me" isn't particularly useful.
The complaint should identify the conduct you're relying upon as the basis for the extreme cruelty claim.
That is one reason it's important to discuss the facts with your divorce attorney before deciding which ground for divorce to use.
Just because extreme cruelty may apply to your marriage doesn't necessarily mean it's the ground I would recommend using.
New Jersey also allows people to file based on irreconcilable differences, which generally does not require making specific allegations of marital misconduct.
For many of my clients, irreconcilable differences is the better option because it avoids adding unnecessary accusations and conflict to an already difficult situation.
But every case is different.
There may be circumstances where filing based on extreme cruelty makes sense. The decision should be based on the facts of your marriage and your overall divorce strategy, not simply on whether your spouse behaved badly.
Extreme cruelty in a New Jersey divorce can involve much more than physical abuse.
Emotional abuse, intimidation, controlling behavior, threats, humiliation, and other patterns of harmful conduct may also be relevant depending on the circumstances.
But qualifying for extreme cruelty and deciding whether you should actually file on that ground are two different questions.
Before choosing your grounds for divorce, understand what you're alleging and whether making those allegations actually helps your case.
Until next time,