It was April 1986, and I was interviewing for a position as a law clerk to a highly respected New Jersey Superior Court judge in the Family Part.
I wanted that clerkship badly. I had been interested in divorce law since I was young, when a childhood friend tried to explain to me what it meant that his parents were getting divorced. That interest followed me through law school, where I took both the standard divorce law course and an advanced divorce law symposium.
But as my interview with the judge went on, I became convinced I wasn't getting the job.
We Didn't Agree on Much
The judge and I seemed to have very different views about a lot of things. At one point, we got into a discussion about nuclear power. I was strongly opposed to it and told him I believed nuclear power plants had the potential to become disasters. The judge had far more confidence in nuclear power and its safety.
Eventually, he looked at me and said, "You really want to save the world, don't you?"
I told him I did.
He said something I've never forgotten: "Well, so do I. But I do it one child at a time."
He explained that this was what he loved about being a Family Court judge. He had the opportunity to make a real difference in people's lives, one person and one family at a time.
I left the interview impressed by him, but convinced I wouldn't get the clerkship.
Then something extraordinary happened.
Two Days Later, Chernobyl Exploded
Two days after my interview, the Chernobyl nuclear power plant exploded in what became the world's worst nuclear power accident.
Suddenly, the issue the judge and I had debated during my interview was international news.
The next day, I received a call from his staff.
The judge wanted me to be his law clerk.
Whether Chernobyl actually had anything to do with his decision, I can't tell you. But the timing was something I never forgot.
More importantly, getting that clerkship changed the direction of my career.
My Year Inside the NJ Family Court
I knew I had only one year to learn everything I could from this judge, so I treated every day as an opportunity. I arrived early, stayed late, watched him handle difficult cases, and studied how he approached divorce, custody, financial disputes, and the people standing in front of him.
I learned about the law, of course. But I also learned about judgment, fairness, preparation, and the enormous effect Family Court decisions can have on people's lives.
At the same time, I was dating a divorced woman with two children, who eventually became my wife. That gave me another kind of education.
I once told the judge that the experience reminded me of high school biology. During the week, working in Family Court was the lecture. On weekends, watching the realities of divorce, children, former spouses, and blended families was the lab.
It sounds funny, but I meant it.
Divorce Law Is About More Than the Law
That combination taught me something I've carried throughout my career: Understanding divorce law isn't enough. You also have to understand what divorce looks like in real life.
Court orders affect where children sleep. Financial decisions affect whether someone can keep a home. A parenting-time schedule that looks reasonable on paper still has to work for an actual family every week.
My clerkship gave me an opportunity very few young lawyers get: to spend an entire year working directly with a Family Court judge and seeing how those decisions are made from the other side of the bench.
Decades later, I still use lessons I learned during that one year.
One Child at a Time
Of everything the judge taught me, I still come back to what he said during that first interview.
"I do it one child at a time."
I went into that interview thinking about what kind of lawyer I wanted to become. I left that clerkship understanding much more clearly what kind of work I wanted to spend my career doing.
That's how I became a New Jersey divorce lawyer.
Until next time,
Steve