One of the first questions people ask me is, “How much is my divorce going to cost?”
It’s a perfectly reasonable question. Unfortunately, it’s also one that a divorce lawyer usually can’t answer with certainty at the beginning of a case. The reason is simple: your legal fees depend largely on how much work your divorce requires.
What Makes a NJ Divorce More Expensive?
Some divorce cases are naturally more complicated than others. A case involving a business, complicated assets, disputed income, custody issues, financial experts, or extensive discovery will generally require more legal work than a relatively straightforward divorce.
But there’s another major factor: How much are you and your spouse going to fight?
If every disagreement becomes a lawyer-to-lawyer dispute, legal fees can add up quickly.
A Lesson I Learned Early in My Career
Early in my career, I represented a woman I’ll call Barbara. Barbara and her husband disagreed over who would have their four-year-old son for Thanksgiving. Their lawyers tried to work it out, but Barbara felt strongly that she should have Thanksgiving that year. Her husband felt just as strongly that he should.
Eventually, Barbara instructed me to take the issue to court. That meant preparing a motion, reviewing it with her, responding to the other side, preparing for court, appearing before the judge, and arguing the issue.
Barbara won. She got Thanksgiving.
She also spent a substantial portion of her initial legal retainer fighting over one holiday.
I’ve remembered that case throughout my career because it illustrates something every divorcing person should understand: You can win an argument and still lose sight of the bigger picture.
1. Decide What Is Actually Worth Fighting About
Some issues absolutely are worth fighting over. Your children’s safety, significant parenting-time issues, major financial assets, support, your home, a business, or retirement can have a lasting impact on your life.
But not every disagreement deserves the same amount of time, energy, and money. Before escalating an issue, ask yourself: If I spend $2,000 in legal fees fighting over this, what am I actually trying to gain?
Sometimes the answer makes the fight worthwhile. Sometimes it doesn’t.
2. Keep the Big Picture in Mind
Divorce negotiations involve dozens of decisions. If you treat every one of them as a battle you have to win, the case can become very expensive very quickly.
Decide what your real priorities are. Maybe protecting your parenting time is critical, while keeping a particular piece of furniture isn’t. Maybe preserving retirement assets matters more than arguing over a relatively small bank account.
A good divorce strategy isn’t about winning every point. It’s about getting the best overall result.
3. Get Organized Before Calling Your Lawyer
Your lawyer’s time costs money, so use that time efficiently. Instead of sending five separate emails as questions occur to you, keep a running list and address them together when appropriate.
Organize your financial documents, respond to requests promptly, and keep important emails and records where you can find them. Don’t make your lawyer spend billable time repeatedly asking you for documents you already have.
Small efficiencies can add up over the course of a divorce.
4. Understand Your Finances
Before meaningful settlement discussions begin, you need to understand your income, expenses, bank and investment accounts, retirement assets, real estate, debts, insurance, and other significant assets and liabilities.
In New Jersey divorce cases, the Case Information Statement is an important part of that financial disclosure. The better you understand your own finances, the easier it is to evaluate proposals and make informed decisions without paying your lawyer to repeatedly explain information you could have organized beforehand.
5. Don’t Use Your Lawyer as a Messenger
Whenever it’s safe and appropriate to communicate directly with your spouse, don’t automatically turn every minor logistical issue into a lawyer-to-lawyer conversation.
If two attorneys have to exchange multiple emails to answer a question that could reasonably have been resolved between the two of you, you’re both spending money unnecessarily.
Of course, direct communication isn’t appropriate in every relationship, particularly when there is domestic violence, intimidation, or serious high-conflict behavior. Use judgment.
6. Consider Settlement and Mediation
You don’t have to agree to an unfair settlement just to save money. But resolving issues through negotiation or mediation can avoid some of the expense associated with prolonged litigation.
The goal isn’t to settle at any cost. It’s to understand which issues genuinely require a judge and which ones you may be able to resolve yourselves.
Why Can’t Your Lawyer Just Give You a Fixed Price?
Because at the beginning of your divorce, your lawyer doesn’t know what will happen six months from now.
Your spouse may cooperate, or your spouse may fight over everything. You may resolve custody quickly, or custody may require motions, experts, and substantial court involvement. A business may need to be valued. Financial records may be difficult to obtain. Settlement negotiations may succeed quickly or break down completely.
That’s why the cost of one divorce can be very different from another.
How Much Control Do You Have Over the Cost of Your Divorce?
You can’t control every factor affecting the cost of your divorce. You can’t control your spouse, every issue that arises, or how much legal work a complicated case requires.
But you can control how organized you are, how you communicate with your lawyer, which battles you choose to fight, and how focused you remain on the result that actually matters.
That’s one of the best ways to keep your divorce from becoming more expensive than it needs to be.
If you’re preparing for divorce, my free Divorce Smarter course can help you understand the process before you start making expensive decisions.
Until next time,
Steve