You’re not crazy.
You’re not alone.
And yes—you can obtain a fair result, notwithstanding the fact that your high-conflict spouse will behave poorly.
Hi, I’m Steve Kaplan, a divorce lawyer in Monmouth County for over 37 years.
I’ve sat across the table from hundreds of people just like you—smart, capable, and emotionally drained from years of living with someone who made them feel powerless.
You’re here because you’ve had enough.
Maybe your high-conflict spouse is manipulative.
Controlling.
Emotionally abusive.
Maybe they seem charming to everyone else—but behind closed doors, it’s a very different story.
That’s what many of my clients call “high-conflict.”
But here’s something I always tell them:
Saying "my spouse is high-conflict" won't help you in court.
But describing their behavior—clearly, calmly, and with the right legal strategy—can make all the difference.
Let me show you how.
What NOT to Do
Don’t walk into court and say,
“Judge, my spouse is a narcissist.”
That almost always backfires.
Judges don’t want amateur diagnoses.
They want facts.
Behavior.
Evidence.
So instead, you say:
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“Your Honor, he controls how I dress.”
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“She just bought a luxury car while we’re drowning in credit card debt.”
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“To the outside world he’s Mr. Wonderful. But at home, he’s emotionally manipulative and cruel.”
Let the judge connect the dots.
What TO Do: Learn the 3 Most Common Toxic Divorce Tactics—and How to Beat Them
After 37 years of helping people get away from toxic partners, I’ve seen three behaviors come up again and again. Here's how to deal with them.
1. Control Tactics
Toxic spouses often try to control:
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Money: Close joint accounts. Freeze assets. Protect your credit.
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Emotions: Set boundaries. Document everything. Don’t take the bait.
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Legal proceedings: Stay calm. Be prepared. Follow court orders exactly.
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Your kids: Know your rights. Keep records. Stay focused on what’s best for them.
2. Lack of Empathy
You might hear:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“This is all your fault.”
“You’re a bad parent.”
Don't try to make them understand. Instead:
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Set firm emotional boundaries
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Focus on outcomes, not validation
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Get support from people who do care
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Stay clear-headed and strategic
3. Manipulation and Drama
Toxic spouses gaslight. They guilt-trip. They lie.
Common tactics:
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Playing the victim
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Dragging others into the conflict
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Making threats
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Twisting your words
Your counterattack:
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Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse
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Limit communication
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Don’t respond emotionally
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Secure your finances
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Hire a lawyer who’s seen it all
This Is Where You Turn Things Around
You’ve likely been walking on eggshells for years.
But your divorce can be the start of something very different—a life with boundaries, safety, and clarity.
That’s where I come in.
I’ve helped many people get out of marriages to high-conflict spouses without losing everything they care about.
And I created a Free New Jersey Divorce Course to help you get started, even before you hire a lawyer.
What You’ll Learn in My Free Divorce Course:
✅ How to safely prepare for divorce
✅ What judges really want to hear
✅ How to protect your finances and your kids
✅ How to stay in control when your spouse tries to provoke you
✅ How to make smart legal decisions—even under stress
It’s free.
It’s written in plain English.
You can stop the emails anytime—but most people don’t.
Because once you start learning how to fight back the right way…
You’ll never look at your high-conflict spouse the same way again.
Just provide an email address on the form on this page to begin.
No pressure. No judgment. Just help.
—Steve
Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.
Specializing in Divorce in Monmouth County
5 Professional Circle, Colts Neck, NJ 07722
📞 (732) 845-9010