One of the biggest mistakes you can make in a divorce is being so anxious to get it over with that you stop thinking about what happens afterward.
I understand the temptation. Divorce is stressful. It's expensive. You're tired of talking about money, schedules, lawyers, court dates, and your spouse. By the time a settlement is finally within reach, you may be willing to sign almost anything just to make the divorce end.
That's exactly when you need to slow down.
A significant part of my practice over the years has involved people who were already divorced and came to me because something in their divorce agreement had become a problem.
Sometimes circumstances genuinely changed. But other times, the problem could be traced back to something that wasn't thought through carefully enough when the original agreement was signed.
Your Divorce Settlement Has to Work Later
When I'm reviewing a proposed Matrimonial Settlement Agreement, I'm not only thinking about whether it works today. I'm trying to look down the road.
Let's say Bob agrees to have his children every other weekend. That works perfectly with his life right now. He's busy during the week, his work schedule is demanding, and every other weekend seems reasonable. But what happens three years from now?
Maybe Bob's job changes. Maybe he remarries. Maybe his children get older and their schedules change. Maybe something that made perfect sense when the agreement was signed doesn't make nearly as much sense anymore.
That doesn't mean we can predict every change that will occur in Bob's life. We can't. But we can ask the questions.
Ask the "What If?" Questions
A good divorce agreement shouldn't simply describe what everyone is doing right now. It should anticipate as many reasonably foreseeable problems as possible.
If you're keeping the house, what happens if you can't refinance the mortgage by the deadline in the agreement? If the house is being sold later, who pays for major repairs before the sale? If you're dividing retirement assets, exactly how and when will that happen? If your parenting schedule needs to change occasionally, does the agreement give you enough flexibility to handle that?
If your children have activities on weekends, who handles transportation? How are holidays and vacations scheduled? What happens when someone wants to travel? How will major decisions involving the children be handled?
You can't write an agreement covering every conceivable thing that might happen during the rest of your life. But after handling divorce cases for decades, I've seen many of the same post-divorce disputes come up again and again. If we can anticipate a problem now, I'd rather address it now than fight about it later.
Some Things Are Easier to Change Than Others
Another reason not to rush is that you shouldn't assume you can simply change the agreement later if you don't like how things turn out.
Certain issues involving children, such as custody, parenting time, and child support, can potentially be modified when circumstances change and the legal requirements for modification are satisfied.
Other parts of a negotiated divorce settlement can be considerably more difficult to undo.
Property distribution is an obvious example. If you agreed to a particular division of marital property and the divorce was finalized, you generally shouldn't assume you'll be able to come back later simply because you regret the deal.
The fact that something turned out differently than you hoped does not necessarily mean you get another chance to negotiate it. That's why the time to understand the agreement is before you sign it.
Don't Let Divorce Fatigue Make the Decision
I've seen people reach the point where they tell me, "Steve, I don't care anymore. I just want this over." I understand that feeling. But that's not a good reason to sign an agreement you haven't carefully considered.
Imagine spending months protecting your financial interests and negotiating your divorce, only to give something important away at the end because you're exhausted. There is a difference between making a reasonable compromise and giving up because you no longer have the energy to deal with the process.
A settlement almost always involves compromise. You probably aren't going to get everything you want. But you should understand exactly what you're agreeing to and why you're agreeing to it.
Read the Agreement Carefully
Whether your attorney drafts the Matrimonial Settlement Agreement or your spouse's attorney prepares the first draft, read every provision. Don't assume something is "standard" and therefore doesn't matter.
Ask what the language means. Ask what happens if your spouse doesn't comply. Ask whether a provision could be interpreted differently than you intend. Ask what happens if your circumstances change. Ask whether you're giving up a right that you may not be able to recover later.
This isn't about making the agreement unnecessarily complicated. It's about making it clear. Spending additional time getting the agreement right can be considerably less expensive than hiring lawyers years later to argue about what the agreement was supposed to mean.
Slow Down Before You Sign
I don't have a crystal ball. Neither does any other divorce lawyer. I can't tell you exactly what your life will look like five or ten years after your divorce. What I can do is look at the problems I've seen divorced people encounter over the years and try to anticipate as many of them as reasonably possible before my client signs the agreement.
Don't rush through your divorce settlement simply because you're tired of being divorced. Slow down. Read the document carefully. Ask the "what if?" questions. Understand what you're receiving, what you're giving up, and which obligations may follow you after the divorce is over. It's much better to spend the time getting the agreement right now than to discover later that you're stuck with something you wish you had thought about before signing.
If you're considering divorce in New Jersey and want to better understand settlement, property division, custody, alimony, and the other decisions you'll need to make along the way, my free Divorce Smarter Course explains the process so you can make those decisions with a clearer understanding of what they may mean for your future.
Until next time,
Steve