About 20 years ago, I started seeing a pattern.
More and more new clients were telling me:
“I think my spouse is a narcissist.”
They were confused, exhausted, and full of self-doubt.
It often took them years to put the pieces together.
I recognized what they were describing.
In neighbors. Acquaintances. Professionals.
Even a few people in the courts.
So I did what lawyers are supposed to do:
I studied it.
I read everything I could on narcissistic personality traits.
I went to seminars.
I talked to other professionals.
I watched how these cases played out in real New Jersey courtrooms.
And I have kept learning ever since.
If you are here because you think your spouse is a narcissist, I get it.
Of course, I am not a therapist and most likely neither are you. We are not qualified to label someone a "narcissist".
But you ARE capable of describing the behaviors that you see, and you may properly conclude that your spouse exhibits narcissistic traits. (Psychologists tell me that one can "have narcissistic traits" without being a "narcissist".)
“Lori” from Holmdel: blamed, gaslit, and worn down
“Lori” (name changed) came to me from Holmdel.
She was scared, exhausted, and second-guessing everything.
Her husband:
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Blamed her for every problem
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Gaslit her until she questioned her own memory
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Told the kids she was unstable
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Intimidated her first lawyer into backing off
By the time she met me, she was not just asking for a divorce.
She said:
“I need a lawyer who can see the patterns, plan around them, and actually fight back.”
That meant more than just filing papers.
It meant understanding how narcissists often behave during divorce and building a strategy around that.
Why divorcing a high-conflict spouse is different
Divorces with spouses with narcissistic traits are rarely “normal.”
This is usually not two reasonable people:
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Dividing property
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Sharing parenting time
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Working out support
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And moving on
Those cases have challenges too.
But compared to divorcing a narcissist, they are the easy ones.
With a high-conflict spouse, you may be facing:
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Habitual lying
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Financial manipulation
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Smear campaigns and reputation attacks
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Co-parenting chaos
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“Flying monkeys” (you know, like the Wicked Witch of the West had... friends and family members who kiss the narcissist's backside and tell him how wonderful he is)
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Endless delays and drama in court
You cannot control who your spouse is.
You can control how you prepare, how you respond, and how you present your case.
No lawyer can guarantee a specific outcome.
But having a strategy that anticipates these patterns can make a real difference.
Two tools I use to help people in your position
Over the years, I 
have built two tools to help people who are divorcing high-conflict spouses in New Jersey.
The first is my law practice and my team of experienced paralegals.
The second is my "Divorce Smarter" course.
I created the course so that people like you could move from confusion to clarity, even before we ever speak.
Inside the course, you will learn how to:
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Understand common narcissist divorce tactics
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Protect your finances and your reputation
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Prepare for battles over custody and parenting time
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Build a realistic strategy for a fair and reasonable outcome
It is not therapy.
It is not theory.
It is a practical "divorce education" focused on helping you effectively obtain a better and fairer result in your New Jersey divorce case.
The next step
If you believe that you are married to a high-conflict spouse and divorce is on the horizon, you do not have to figure this out blindly.
You are welcome to:
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Join my free "Divorce Smarter" course
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Call my assistant, Valerie, at (732) 845-9010 if you need serious help right now.
There are no guarantees in court.
But there is preparation, education, and a strategy tailored to the kind of spouse that you are dealing with.
I understand how overwhelming this feels.
I see it every week.
I get it.
And I am here to help.
Steve
Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.
Specializing In Divorce
Throughout New Jersey
5 Professional Circle
Colts Neck, NJ 07722
www.KaplanDivorce.com
(732) 845-9010
