Let's assume that your spouse did something bad.
Really bad.Like he cheated on you. With your best friend.
You are rightfully outraged, hurt, and you legitimately feel betrayed.
You have no interest in reconciliation; no, you are clear that marriage counseling has failed, and you want a divorce. You clearly have grounds for divorce based upon his infidelity.
Question: Should you sue for divorce based upon infidelity?
Your first instinct is to say, "Of course I should! That son-of-a-bitch destroyed my life! And my family!"
Or maybe there was no infidelity, but perhaps your spouse is abusive. He has committed multiple acts of harassment, maybe some domestic violence, and is disrespectful to you.
You feel that you have grounds for divorce based upon Extreme Cruelty.
You might say to me, "Why can't I file for divorce based upon Extreme Cruelty? The things that he's done to me were very cruel, and I want the judge to know that!"
"Well," I tell my clients, "you can."
But I share with them my experiences having done nothing but divorce here in Monmouth County for over 36 years.
In particular, I share what I have often seen when one spouse makes "fault based" allegations against the other spouse, even if those allegations are 100% true.
It starts out feeling pretty good for my client.
She feels relieved or "heard".
She has put her cards on the table. He knows that she knows.
Everyone soon knows.
But shortly thereafter it often starts to sound like two kids on the playground.
One child has accused the other of something.
The other child, rather than taking a deep breath, giving it some thought, and saying, "Hey, did I really do that?" instead says, "Oh yeah? Well you did this to me and that justifies my behavior…"
And it goes on and on, back and forth.
Nothing is getting done. People are getting angrier and angrier at each other.
Not good.
It's bad for the parties. It's bad for their children.
And it's really bad for their wallets, because lawyers are expensive and this back-and-forth bickering, while perhaps legitimate, gets expensive, really quickly.
My preferred alternative is to help my clients focus on resolving the issues that are in dispute between the parties, so that they can minimize the financial and the emotional costs to them, and minimize the impact of their divorce on their children.
Because whose "fault" the divorce was is irrelevant in Monmouth County.
That's right: in YOUR Monmouth County divorce case, you will not get more money or more favorable custody terms or leverage or anything else most of the time by alleging that the divorce is the fault of your spouse (there are a few exceptions to this rule, but not many.)
And so a "no fault divorce" based upon the fact that the parties have differences that cannot be reconciled, which has now been the law in New Jersey for the past 16 years, has really become the "default ground" of most NJ divorce cases.
In order to get a divorce in NJ based upon differences that cannot be fixed, all you have to "prove" is that you have differences that, in your opinion, cannot be reconciled, that you believe that these differences have caused your marriage to break down, and that you feel that the breakdown in your marriage caused by these differences has lasted for at least the past 6 months.
You then need to allege that there is no reasonable prospect of reconciliation.
That's it.
In my opinion, this has made a positive difference in the quality of the lives of many divorcing couples and their children.
And each party often ends up paying a whole lot less money to his or her lawyer, because the case often settles with much less lawyer involvement when fault grounds are not pursued.
Might Another Divorce Ground Be Better For You?
In New Jersey, there are 8 more grounds, and some people prefer to file based upon one of the other grounds.
Extreme Cruelty
I used to kid in the "old days" by referring to this ground as "extreme horseshit."
Prior to the addition of a true no fault ground to New Jersey law in 2007, extreme cruelty was by and large the "default ground" for the vast majority of people getting divorced.
It includes both physical and mental cruelty that endangers the safety or health of the plaintiff, making it unreasonable or improper to expect them to continue cohabiting with the defendant.
Very often it was, frankly, ridiculous.
People would allege virtually anything, and judges, understanding "the game", would grant the divorce based upon the dumbest and most ridiculous of allegations of cruelty (ie, "he spilled red wine on my white blouse at Christmas Eve dinner 1998 which caused me much humiliation and embarrassment.")
Pure lunacy.
But it worked most of the time, and that's how the majority of people got their "grounds" for divorce prior to 2007.
18 Months' Separation
If a husband and wife have lived separately in different habitations for at least 18 consecutive months, with no reasonable prospect of reconciliation, divorce can be granted based on separation.
After the 18-month period, a presumption of no reasonable prospect of reconciliation arises.
Infidelity
Infidelity is considered a ground for divorce in New Jersey.
If one spouse engages in extramarital affairs, the other spouse can file for divorce based on infidelity.
Proof of the extramarital relationship is technically required if you end up having to "prove" your grounds when you finally get to Court.
But, for reasons that are beyond the scope of this article, let me just say that whether you can prove adultery or not, if you want to get a divorce in New Jersey you will get divorced.
Willful and Continued Desertion
Although I've been involved in over 5000 divorces and have never used this ground, divorce can be sought if one spouse willfully and continuously deserts the other for a period of 12 or more months, during which they have ceased to cohabit as a married couple.
Satisfactory proof "...that the parties have ceased to cohabit as man and wife..." is necessary to establish this ground.
Voluntarily Induced Addiction
Divorce can be sought if one spouse has voluntarily become addicted to narcotic drugs or developed habitual drunkenness for a period of 12 or more consecutive months after marriage.
Institutionalization for Mental Illness
If one spouse has been institutionalized for mental illness for a period of 24 or more consecutive months after marriage, divorce can be pursued on this ground.
This is a second ground that notwithstanding over 3-1/2 decades of practice as a NJ divorce specialist I have never personally used.
Imprisonment
In cases where the defendant has been imprisoned for 18 or more consecutive months after marriage, divorce can be granted.
If the action is not initiated until after the defendant's release, the parties must not have resumed cohabitation following the imprisonment.
Deviant Sexual Conduct
Divorce can be sought if the defendant has engaged in deviant sexual conduct without the plaintiff's consent.
Conclusion
Divorce is hard enough.
Many people choose to use the NJ "no fault" divorce grounds specifically because they recognize that using one of the "fault grounds", while emotionally satisfying perhaps, can often do more harm than good.
Why?
Well, no one wants to be blamed for their marriage's failure.
Blaming the other person for the divorce by alleging a fault ground instead of the no-fault ground can just make your divorce case harder.
And more expensive.
Because you start your case by "kicking the sleeping bear" so to speak instead of filing gently.
So my advice is don't do it.
Don't start your case by "going for the jugular" if you can help it.
Rather, file based upon "irreconcilable differences".
And instead of focusing on what a jerk your spouse is, remember this: the most important thing for you to do is to learn how to protect yourself, your children, and your assets.
And if THAT is your goal, you are at the right place.
Stick around this website.
I'll show you how you can do it.
I've been a divorce specialist in Colts Neck (by Delicious Orchards) for 36 years, and I've successfully represented over 5000 people.
I "get it" and I'm here to help.
My free NJ DIVORCE EDGE 2024 (click here) course will teach you how to turn your situation around to your advantage.
Every divorce case is different.
My emails will teach you, in an easy to understand way, everything that you need to know to help you make the right decisions based upon the particular facts of your situation.
You will get my best articles on every divorce-related topic that you will need to understand to help you get the best results possible.
I get emails from strangers all the time thanking me for making this information available to them online at no cost, and I'm pretty certain that you, too, will get a lot of value from my emails.
And if you want to stop the emails, I made it really easy for you to do that...
One click on any email stops the course.
But few people do that...
Because the material is really helpful to anyone who is thinking about getting a divorce in Monmouth County.
Are you ready to start turning things around?
The next move is up to you...!
Click the link above and begin learning how to get the "edge" in YOUR Monmouth County divorce case.
Until next time,
Steve
Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.
Specializing In Divorce
In Monmouth County
5 Professional Circle
Colts Neck, NJ. 07722
www.KaplanDivorce.com
(732) 845-9010
