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5 Professional Circle Colts Neck, NJ. 07722   (732) 845-9010

  1. Voiding An Unfair Prenup in NJ

    It's crucial to understand that while prenups are generally enforceable in New Jersey, they must meet certain criteria to be upheld by a court.

    Prenuptial agreements, commonly referred to as prenups, are becoming increasingly popular among couples in New Jersey.

    These legal documents outline the rights and responsibilities of each spouse in the event of a divorce, providing a clear framework for asset division and other important matters.

    In New Jersey, prenuptial agreements are governed by the Uniform Premarital Agreement Act (UPAA), which outlines the requirements for their validity and enforceability.

    One of the key principles underlying the enforcement of prenups in the state is the concept of reasonableness.

    In other words, a prenuptial agreement will only be enforced by a court if it is deemed reasonable both at the time it was signed and at the time enforcement is sought.

    What constitutes a reasonable prenuptial agreement?

    While there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, there are several factors that courts will consider when evaluating the enforceability of a prenup:

    1. Full Disclosure: Both parties must provide full and accurate disclosure of their assets, liabilities, income, and any other relevant financial information.

      Failure to disclose assets or debts could render the agreement unenforceable.

    2. Voluntary Consent: Each party must enter into the prenuptial agreement voluntarily and without coercion or duress.

      It's essential that both individuals have the opportunity to review the terms of the agreement and consult with their own legal counsel before signing.

    3. Fair and Equitable: The terms of the prenup must be fair and equitable to both parties.

      While it's common for prenups to address issues such as asset division, spousal support, and inheritance rights, the terms cannot be so one-sided as to leave one spouse in a significantly disadvantaged position.

    4. No Unconscionable Provisions: A prenuptial agreement cannot contain provisions that are unconscionable or against public policy.

      For example, a provision that waives a spouse's right to alimony altogether may be deemed unconscionable if it leaves the dependent spouse without any means of financial support.

    5. Reviewable Circumstances: Courts will also consider the circumstances surrounding the execution of the prenup, including the timing of its signing, the presence of legal counsel, and any changes in circumstances that may have occurred since the agreement was executed.

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    It's important to note that even if a prenuptial agreement meets all of the above criteria, there is still no guarantee that it will be enforced by a court.

    Ultimately, the decision to enforce a prenup is at the discretion of the judge, who will consider the specific facts and circumstances of each case.

    In conclusion, while prenuptial agreements can be a valuable tool for couples looking to protect their assets and clarify their rights in the event of a divorce, it's essential to understand that these agreements must meet certain criteria to be enforceable in New Jersey.

    By working with a knowledgeable attorney and ensuring that the agreement is fair and reasonable, couples can increase the likelihood that their prenup will be upheld by a court if challenged in the future.

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  2. Estimating Alimony in NJ

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  3. Navigating Child Custody in New Jersey: A Basic Guide

    Are you facing the challenging process of seeking custody of a child in Monmouth County,New Jersey?

    Understanding the basics can help alleviate some of the stress and uncertainty that often accompanies such situations.

    Here's a broad overview of the custody process in the Garden State:

    1. Understanding Legal Custody vs. Physical Custody:

      • Legal Custody: This pertains to the authority to make major decisions about the child's upbringing, including matters related to education, healthcare, and religion. Legal custody can be joint (shared by both parents) or sole (granted to one parent).
      • Physical Custody: This refers to where the child resides on a day-to-day basis. Like legal custody, physical custody can also be joint or sole.
    2. Filing for Custody:

      • To initiate the custody process, a parent typically files a custody petition with the family court in the county where the child resides.
      • In some cases, custody may be addressed as part of a divorce proceeding, while in others, it may be pursued independently.
    3. Factors Considered in Custody Determinations:

      • New Jersey family courts prioritize the best interests of the child when determining custody arrangements.
      • Factors such as the child's relationship with each parent, each parent's ability to provide a stable environment, the child's preferences (if they're old enough to express them...we're talking about older kids, not young children), and any history of domestic violence or substance abuse may be taken into account.
    4. Mediation and Custody Agreements:

      • Before going to court, parents may be required or encouraged to attend mediation to attempt to reach a mutually acceptable custody agreement.
      • If an agreement is reached, it will be submitted to the court for approval, making it legally enforceable.
    5. Court Hearings and Custody Orders:

      • If mediation is unsuccessful or not required, the custody dispute may proceed to a court hearing.
      • During the hearing, both parents will have the opportunity to present evidence and testimony supporting their desired custody arrangement.
      • The judge will then issue a custody order outlining the terms of legal and physical custody.
    6. Modification of Custody Orders:

      • Custody orders are not necessarily permanent and can be modified if there's a significant change in circumstances that warrants it.
      • Common reasons for seeking a modification include a parent's relocation, changes in the child's needs, or concerns about the child's safety.

    Navigating child custody matters can be emotionally challenging, but with the right knowledge and a good, experienced lawyer, you can advocate effectively for your child's best interests.

    Hiring an experienced Monmouth County family law attorney will provide invaluable support throughout the process.

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  4. Do You Feel That You Need A Divorce Because of Abuse?

    In my experience as a New Jersey divorce lawyer for the past 37 years, abuse by a spouse often causes a person to seek a divorce. 

    Abuse within a marriage can take many forms – physical, emotional, verbal, financial, or sexual.

    If any of these forms of abuse are happening to you, then it may be helpful to you to understand your rights, particularly your right to be left alone, as you navigate the complexities of divorce.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    In New Jersey, if you are a victim of abuse then you have legal protections and resources available to help you break free from your abuser and rebuild your life.

    One of the fundamental rights of victims is the right to be left alone, free from harassment, intimidation, and further abuse from their abusive spouse.

    This right is enshrined in New Jersey's Prevention of Domestic Violence Act.

    Under this law, if you are a victim of domestic violence then you can ask a Superior Court judge in the county court house (during business hours) or a municipal court judge in your town's police department (during non-business hours) for a restraining order against your abuser.

    If the restraining order is granted to you by the Judge, then it will prohibit your abusive spouse from contacting or coming near you, under penalty of arrest and incarceration.

    A restraining order can provide you with crucial legal protection, allowing you to establish boundaries and ensure your safety during and after the divorce process.

    If necessary, a judge hearing your domestic violence case can also grant you temporary custody of your children and exclusive possession of the marital home to further ensure your safety and well-being.

    Additionally, you may be entitled to financial support, including spousal support and child support, to help you establish independence and to allow you to rebuild their life.

    If you are a victim of abuse at your spouse's hands, it is important for you to remember that you are not alone.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    Most counties in New Jersey have an organization can provide you with abuse counseling, shelter and other essential services to help you stay safe and rebuild your life, free from abuse.

    You should also consider developing a safety plan, seeking counseling or therapy, and surrounding yourself with a strong support network of friends, family, and professionals who can offer assistance and guidance.

    Furthermore, you should document instances of abuse, including keeping records of threatening messages, injuries, and any other evidence that may support your case in court.

    By documenting the abuse, you can strengthen your legal position and increase the likelihood of obtaining a more favorable outcome in your divorce proceedings.

    Ultimately, the most important thing for you to remember is that you have rights and options available to you.

    No one deserves to live in fear or endure abuse, and divorce can provide a path to safety, freedom, and a better future.

    By seeking legal assistance, accessing support services, and prioritizing your own well-being, you can take control of your life and begin the healing process.

    THERE'S A LOT MORE FREE HELP WHERE THIS ARTICLE CAME FROM

     

    If you live in New Jersey and if you are considering separating or filing for divorce based upon your spouse's abuse, the most important thing for you to do before doing anything else is to learn how to protect yourself, your children, and your assets.

    I'll show you how you can do it.

    I've specialized in N.J. divorce law for 37 years, and I've successfully represented many people against abusive spouses.

    I "get it" and I'm here to help.undefined 

    My NJ Divorce Course will teach you how to turn your situation around to your advantage.

    Getting a divorce from a spouse who is abusing you will require you to make many tough decisions.

    Making the wrong decision can be the difference between getting a good result (or at least a result that you can live with) and getting a bad result.

    Getting "the edge" in your divorce case from your abusive spouse will come down to developing the ability to consistently make the right decisions in your case.

    And that's where I come in.

    My emails will teach you, in an easy to understand way, everything that you need to know to help you make the right decisions for you, based upon the specific facts of your case and the specific behavior of your alienating spouse.

    You will get my best articles.

    I get emails from strangers all the time thanking me for making this information available to them online at no cost.

    I'm pretty certain that you, too, will get a lot of value from my emails.

    And if you want to stop the emails, I made it really easy for you to do that...

    One click on any email stops the course.

    But few people do that...

    Because the material is really helpful to anyone who is thinking about getting a divorce in New Jersey.

    Are you ready to start turning things around?

    The next move is up to you...!

    Until next time,

    Steve
    Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.

    Specializing In Divorce
    In Monmouth County

    5 Professional Circle
    Colts Neck, NJ. 07722

    www.KaplanDivorce.com
    (732) 845-9010

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

     

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  5. Emotional Abuse in NJ Divorce Cases

    Divorce can be an emotionally challenging process under any circumstances, but when emotional abuse is involved, the situation becomes even more complex.

    Emotional abuse, or psychological abuse, can have profound and lasting effects on individuals and families.

    Recognizing and addressing emotional abuse in divorce proceedings is crucial for ensuring your well-being.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    What is Emotional Abuse?

    Emotional abuse is a form of manipulation and control that undermines an individual's sense of self-worth and autonomy.

    Unlike physical abuse, which leaves visible marks, emotional abuse often goes unnoticed by outsiders, making it difficult to detect and address.

    However, its impact can be just as devastating, if not more so, than physical abuse.

    Examples of emotional abuse include:

    1. Verbal insults and degradation
    2. Constant criticism and belittling
    3. Gaslighting and manipulation
    4. Isolation from friends and family
    5. Threats and intimidation

    Emotional abuse can occur in any relationship, regardless of gender, age, or socioeconomic status.

    In the context of divorce, emotional abuse can be used as a tool to exert control over the other spouse and gain an advantage in legal proceedings.

    Recognizing Emotional Abuse in Divorce Cases

    Identifying emotional abuse in divorce cases can be challenging, especially if the abuse is subtle or masked by other issues.

    However, there are signs and patterns that may indicate the presence of emotional abuse, including:

    1. Frequent outbursts of anger or rage
    2. Manipulative behavior and guilt-tripping
    3. Excessive jealousy and possessiveness
    4. Withholding affection and emotional support
    5. Controlling finances and decision-making

    It's essential for someone who is experiencing emotional abuse to trust their instincts and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals.

    Additionally, consulting with a qualified divorce attorney who understands the dynamics of emotional abuse can provide valuable guidance and assistance.

    Addressing Emotional Abuse in New Jersey Divorce Proceedings

    In the state of New Jersey, emotional abuse is taken seriously in divorce proceedings.

    While emotional abuse itself may not be grounds for divorce, it can impact other aspects of the divorce process, such as child custody, alimony, and asset division.

    When emotional abuse is a factor in a divorce case, it's essential to gather evidence and documentation to support the claims of abuse.

    This may include emails, text messages, witness testimony, or reports from mental health professionals.

    Working with an experienced divorce attorney who is familiar with handling cases involving emotional abuse can help ensure that your rights are protected and that appropriate measures are taken to address the abuse.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    Seeking Support and Healing

    Divorce is never easy, especially when emotional abuse is involved.

    It's essential for a person who has experienced emotional abuse to seek support and resources to help her heal and rebuild her life. This may include therapy, support groups, or other forms of counseling.

    THERE'S A LOT MORE FREE HELP WHERE THIS ARTICLE CAME FROM

    If you are considering separating or filing for divorce, the most important thing for you to do before doing anything else is to learn how to protect yourself, your children, and your assets.

    undefinedI'll show you how you can do it.

    I've specialized in NJ divorce law for 37 years, and I've successfully represented many people against abusive spouses.

    I "get it" and I'm here to help.

    My free course will teach you how to turn your situation around to your advantage.

    Every divorce case is different. My emails will teach you, in an easy to understand way, everything that you need to know to help you make the right decisions based upon the particular facts of your situation.

    I get emails from strangers all the time thanking me for making this information available to them online at no cost, and I'm pretty certain that you, too, will get a lot of value from my emails.

    And if you want to stop the emails, I made it really easy for you to do that... one click on any email stops the course. But few people do that...because the material is really helpful to anyone who is even just beginning to think about getting a divorce here in New Jersey.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    Are you ready to start turning things around?

    The next move is up to you...!

    Click the link above and begin learning how to get the "edge" in YOUR N.J. divorce case.

    Until next time,

    Steve
    Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.

    Specializing In Divorce
    In Monmouth County

    5 Professional Circle
    Colts Neck, NJ. 07722

    www.KaplanDivorce.com
    (732) 845-9010 

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course
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  6. Tracking Devices Are Illegal In NJ

    In today's digital age, technology plays an increasingly significant role in many aspects of our lives, including divorce proceedings.

    As a New Jersey divorce lawyer, I often encounter clients who inquire about the use of tracking devices to monitor their spouse's movements or activities during the divorce process.

    While it may seem like a tempting strategy to gather evidence or gain leverage, it's crucial for divorcing people in NJ to understand that using tracking devices can constitute a form of stalking and is illegal under New Jersey law.

    The use of tracking devices, such as GPS trackers or spyware installed on smartphones, to monitor another person's movements or activities without their consent is a violation of privacy rights.

     

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    In New Jersey, stalking is defined as engaging in a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their safety or the safety of others, or to suffer emotional distress.

    This includes tracking someone's location or monitoring their communications without their knowledge or consent.

    It's important for someone going through divorce proceedings to recognize that resorting to such invasive tactics can have serious legal consequences.

    Not only is the use of tracking devices unethical, but it can also lead to criminal charges and civil liability.

    In New Jersey, stalking is a criminal offense punishable by imprisonment and fines, and individuals found guilty may also be subject to restraining orders and other legal penalties.

    Moreover, evidence obtained through illegal means, such as the use of tracking devices, is likely to be inadmissible in court.

    Judges typically frown upon tactics that violate privacy rights and may exclude such evidence from consideration during divorce proceedings.

    This means that any information gathered through the use of tracking devices may not be used to support claims or arguments in court, undermining the credibility of the party who employed such methods.

    Instead of resorting to underhanded tactics like using tracking devices, someone who is involved in divorce proceedings should focus on pursuing legal avenues for obtaining relevant information and evidence.

    This may involve engaging the services of a qualified divorce lawyer who can assist in gathering evidence through lawful means, such as subpoenas, witness testimony, and financial records.

    Furthermore, it's essential for divorcing people to prioritize their emotional well-being during the divorce process and to refrain from engaging in behaviors that could exacerbate tensions or escalate conflicts.

    Using tracking devices not only violates the privacy and autonomy of the other party but also perpetuates a hostile and adversarial dynamic that can prolong the divorce process and inflict further emotional harm on all parties involved, including children.

    In conclusion, as a divorce lawyer in New Jersey, I strongly advise against the use of tracking devices as a means of gathering evidence or monitoring a spouse during divorce proceedings.

    Not only is it illegal and unethical, but it's also unlikely to yield favorable outcomes and may ultimately harm the individual employing such tactics.

     

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    Instead, people going through divorce should focus on seeking legal guidance and pursuing fair and equitable resolutions through lawful means, with the assistance of a qualified divorce lawyer.

    By prioritizing integrity, respect, and adherence to the law, divorcing people in New Jersey can navigate the divorce process with dignity and integrity, ultimately achieving outcomes that serve their best interests and those of their families.

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  7. What is Joint Custody in NJ?

    I get asked all the time, "What is joint custody in NJ?

    What does it really mean in practical terms to me as someone who will be getting divorced here in New Jersey?"

    Or "How do judges in N.J. tend to handle joint custody requests?"

    Well, I can tell you this: they take it very seriously.

    Last week I heard a judge yell at a lawyer for even using the word "visitation", saying "parents don't 'visit' with their children...they share 'parenting time'."

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    The bottom line is that in New Jersey, there are two broad types of custody.

    Physical custody deals with where the child lives, and legal custody deals with who makes major decisions for the child.

    Regarding legal custody, since 1981, we've had a concept in New Jersey called joint legal custody.

    Early on, joint legal custody was limited to those cases where parties could really be counted upon to agree with each other, and to work things out in the best interest of the children.

    That's really what the Supreme Court had in mind when it decided the case of Beck v. Beck back in 1981.

    For the first time, in 1981, in the case of Beck v. Beck, the New Jersey Supreme Court authorized divorce court judges to order joint legal custody -- but only in these circumstances where the Judge believed that the parties were a position where they can work together, as determined by the judge at a trial.

    Now fast forward some 44 years later to 2025.

    Today all divorce court judges in New Jersey have embraced the concept of joint legal custody as the standard, and no longer the exception.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    So they've done a complete 180 from what the Supreme Court initially ordered back in 1981, in Beck v. Beck.

    Now, most judges take the view that the default position should be joint legal custody, unless there is some compelling reason against it.

    And it's been that way for many years.

    So, most people can count on having joint legal custody, which again maintains both parents with an equal voice in all major decisions affecting the children, including their general well-being, their health, what doctors they go to, what medical procedures they may have done, their education, their college, etc.

    The point is that when joint legal custody exists then all of the decisions that are major factors in the life of the children must have the equal input of both parents.

    That's essentially the concept of joint legal custody in New Jersey as it presently operates.

    Now, that's a whole separate concept from the concept of physical custody.

    Physical custody essentially deals with where the children will live.

    When I started practicing divorce law back in the 1980's, the general rule was the children lived with Mom, and Dad visited. That's what judges ordered most of the time.

    Basically, the kids were with Mom. Dad had visitation every other weekend, from either Friday night through Sunday night, or Saturday morning through Sunday night, plus Wednesdays for dinner.

    Well, that's changed completely in the 37 years that I've been a NJ divorce lawyer, so much so that most fathers now fight for (and receive) joint physical custody as well as joint legal custody.

    In most of the cases that I have, fathers have essentially said, "Every other weekend? No way, that's not the way I parent. I want my kids every second that I can get them. I'm not trying to take them away from their mother, but she should not try to take them away from me either."

    The father will often say, "I want true 50/50, which means maybe the kids will have 1 week with me, 1 week with their mother, or maybe I get certain days and she gets certain days. Maybe she gets more days during the school year and then I get most of the summer to make up for it, but I want 50 percent of the time."

    There is a whole time-sharing spectrum that a family can fall between, and the good news is that through mediation, we have the ability to customize something that works best for you, your spouse and your kids.

    If you go to trial, the Court is going to listen to the testimony and then decide what it thinks is in your family's best interest.

    But 99 out of 100 divorce cases in New Jersey will settle without trial, usually as a result of mediation and the wonders that this process can offer to a divorcing couple.

    The beauty of the mediation process is that we have that ability to tailor make something that works for your family, within the parameters of joint legal custody and physical custody.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

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    Topics: Child Custody, Co-parenting, family court

  8. How To Get A Fair Custody Result in NJ

    Every parent wants a "fair" custody result.

    But what exactly is "fair"?

    Well, that has certainly changed over the years.

    When I began my career as a NJ Divorce Lawyer 37 years ago, moms almost always ended up with physical custody, the parents shared joint legal custody, and dads would usually have visitation every other weekend, plus Wednesday night for dinner.

    That was considered fair in the 1980's and 1990's.

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    Topics: Child Custody

  9. Combatting Parental Alienation in Monmouth County

    We have good judges in Monmouth County.

    They will not tolerate parental alienation.

    The challenge is convincing your judge that it is happening.

    That is because parental alienation is a complex and often emotionally charged issue.

    It refers to the manipulation or programming of a child by one parent to denigrate, reject, or estrange the other parent.

    While it is widely acknowledged that parental alienation can have serious and detrimental effects on children and families, the concept remains controversial, and its diagnosis and treatment are subjects of debate within the legal and psychological communities.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    Dr. Richard Gardner, a prominent psychiatrist, introduced the term "Parental Alienation Syndrome" (PAS) in the 1980s to describe a specific constellation of behaviors exhibited by children who have been alienated from one parent.

    Gardner's work on PAS brought much-needed attention to the phenomenon of parental alienation and provided a framework for understanding and addressing it in legal and therapeutic settings.

    Advocates of Gardner's work point to several key contributions he made to the field.

    First, he emphasized the importance of recognizing parental alienation as a form of emotional abuse, highlighting its potential long-term consequences for children's mental and emotional well-being.

    By identifying specific behaviors associated with PAS, such as the child's irrational hostility toward the targeted parent and the absence of legitimate reasons for this hostility, Gardner provided professionals with criteria for identifying and addressing cases of parental alienation.

    Furthermore, Gardner proposed interventions aimed at combating parental alienation, such as court-ordered reunification therapy and educational programs for both parents and children.

    These interventions, proponents argue, can help repair damaged parent-child relationships and mitigate the harmful effects of alienation on families.

    However, despite these contributions, Gardner's work and the concept of PAS have drawn criticism from some quarters.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

    One major criticism is that PAS lacks scientific validity and reliability as a diagnostic entity.

    Critics argue that the criteria for diagnosing PAS are vague and subjective, making it susceptible to misuse in legal proceedings.

    Additionally, skeptics contend that PAS places undue emphasis on blaming one parent for the alienation, potentially overlooking the complex dynamics of high-conflict divorces and the role both parents may play in contributing to the alienation.

    Moreover, Gardner's views on the role of false allegations of abuse in custody disputes have been particularly controversial.

    He argued that in many cases, allegations of abuse by the alienated parent are fabricated as part of the alienating parent's strategy to alienate the child.

    Critics counter that this perspective may discourage genuine victims of abuse, especially children, from coming forward and receiving the protection and support they need.

    While there is widespread recognition in New Jersey that parental alienation is a real and harmful phenomenon, the legacy of Dr. Richard Gardner and his concept of Parental Alienation Syndrome remains contentious.

    While some praise Gardner for bringing attention to the issue and proposing interventions to address it, others criticize his work for its lack of scientific rigor and potential for misuse in legal settings.

    Moving forward, it is essential for professionals working in the fields of law, psychology, and family therapy to approach cases of parental alienation with sensitivity, objectivity, and a focus on the best interests of the children involved.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

     

     

    THERE'S A LOT MORE FREE HELP WHERE THIS ARTICLE CAME FROM

    If you are considering separating or filing for divorce, the most important thing for you to do before doing anything else is to learn how to protect yourself, your children, and your assets.

    undefinedI'll show you how you can do it.

    I've specialized in divorce and child custody for 37 years, and I've successfully represented many people against spouses who have engaged in child alienation practices.

    I "get it" and I'm here to help.

    Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course will teach you how to turn your situation around to your advantage.

    Getting a divorce from a spouse who is manipulating your child against you will require you to make many tough decisions.

    Making the wrong decision can be the difference between getting a good result (or at least a result that you can live with) and getting a bad result.

    Getting "the edge" in your divorce case from your child-alienating spouse will come down to developing the ability to consistently make the right decisions in your case.

    And that's where I come in.steven 

    My emails will teach you, in an easy to understand way, everything that you need to know to help you make the right decisions for you, based upon the specific facts of your case and the specific behavior of your alienating spouse.

    You will get my best articles.

    I get emails from strangers all the time thanking me for making this information available to them online at no cost.

    I'm pretty certain that you, too, will get a lot of value from my emails.

    And if you want to stop the emails, I made it really easy for you to do that...

    One click on any email stops the course.

    But few people do that...

    Because the material is really helpful to anyone who is thinking about getting a divorce in New Jersey.

    Are you ready to start turning things around?

    The next move is up to you...!

    CLICK HERE and begin learning how to get the "edge" in YOUR New Jersey divorce case.

    Until next time,

    Steve
    Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.

    Specializing In Divorce
    In Monmouth County

    5 Professional Circle
    Colts Neck, NJ. 07722

    www.KaplanDivorce.com
    (732) 845-9010

     Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course
    Read More
  10. Gaslighting in Marriage: Recognizing and Addressing Manipulative Behavior

    Up until a few years ago I had never heard the word "gaslighting".

    "Gaslighting" is a term that has gained widespread recognition in recent years, particularly in discussions about relationships and mental health.

    In the context of marriage, gaslighting can have devastating effects on the well-being of one spouse, often leading to confusion, self-doubt, and emotional turmoil.

    If you are having marital problems, it is crucial to understand the dynamics of gaslighting, its impact on people, and how someone who is being gaslighted can take steps to address the situation, including considering divorce if necessary.

    What is Gaslighting?

    Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which one person manipulates another into questioning their own reality, memories, or sanity.

    The term originated from the play and subsequent film adaptation, "Gas Light," where a husband attempts to convince his wife that she is imagining things by dimming the gas lights in their home.

    In a marriage, gaslighting can manifest in various ways, including:

    1. Denying the truth: The gaslighter may flatly deny events or conversations that the other spouse clearly remembers happening.

    2. Blaming: They might shift blame onto the other spouse for things that are not their fault, making them feel responsible for problems in the relationship.

    3. Minimizing feelings: Gaslighters may trivialize the emotions or concerns of their partner, making them feel irrational or oversensitive.

    4. Withholding information: A manipulative spouse might withhold crucial information or manipulate situations to keep the other spouse in the dark, fostering a sense of dependence.

    5. Projection: Gaslighters often project their own flaws or behaviors onto their partner, making them feel as though they are the ones at fault.

    Effects of Gaslighting on the Spouse

    Being subjected to gaslighting can have profound effects on the mental and emotional well-being of the targeted spouse.

    Over time, they may begin to doubt their own perceptions, lose confidence in their judgment, and experience anxiety, depression, or even PTSD-like symptoms.

    Gaslighting erodes trust and creates a power imbalance in the relationship, leaving the victim feeling helpless and trapped.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

     

    What Can the Gaslighted Spouse Do?

    If you suspect that you are being gaslighted in your marriage, it's essential to recognize the signs and take proactive steps to address the situation.

    Here are some strategies to consider:

    1. Educate yourself: Learn about gaslighting and its tactics to better understand what you're experiencing. Knowledge is empowering and can help you regain a sense of clarity and confidence.

    2. Trust your instincts: Trust your gut feelings and intuition. If something doesn't feel right or if you're constantly questioning your own reality, it's essential to take those feelings seriously.

    3. Seek support: Reach out to friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide validation, support, and perspective. Having a trusted support system can help you feel less isolated and more empowered to take action.

    4. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your spouse and communicate your needs assertively. Let them know that gaslighting behavior is not acceptable and that you refuse to tolerate it any longer.

    5. Consider couples therapy: If both partners are willing, couples therapy can provide a safe space to address issues of communication, trust, and power dynamics in the relationship.

      However, if the gaslighting continues or if your spouse is unwilling to seek help, it may be necessary to consider other options.

    6. Explore legal options: In cases where gaslighting is part of a pattern of abuse or manipulation, seeking legal guidance from a divorce lawyer may be helpful to protect your rights and well-being.

      A divorce lawyer can provide guidance on your options and help you navigate the legal process with compassion and expertise.

    Ultimately, no one deserves to be subjected to gaslighting or any form of emotional abuse in a marriage.

    If efforts to address the situation prove unsuccessful, prioritizing your own mental health and well-being may mean making the difficult decision to seek a divorce.

    Remember that you are not alone, and support is available to help you navigate this challenging journey toward healing and independence.

    Click Here To Learn More About Steve Kaplan's Divorce Course

     

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