Kaplan Divorce Blog | Steven J. Kaplan, Esq. (7)

When Overspending Leads to Divorce

One spouse's overspending can strain a marriage to its breaking point.

In this article, I'll explore the steps you can to take to effectively navigate divorce when confronted with your spouse's financial irresponsibility.

Gather Financial Documentation

Before initiating divorce proceedings, it's essential to gather all relevant financial documentation.

This includes bank statements, credit card bills, loan agreements, and any other records pertaining to joint assets and liabilities.

Being able to show your Family Court Judge a comprehensive understanding of your financial situation, and how your spouse's financial irresponsibility has caused problems, will be crucial during your divorce process.

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Consult with a Divorce Lawyer

Seeking guidance from a qualified divorce lawyer is paramount when dealing with a spouse's uncontrollable overspending.

A skilled attorney can help you understand your rights and options under the law, including asset division, spousal support, and child custody arrangements if applicable.

They will also provide invaluable advice on how to protect your financial interests throughout the divorce proceedings.

Consider Mediation

In cases of uncontrollable overspending, mediation may offer a more amicable alternative to traditional litigation.

Divorce mediation prioritizes communication and cooperation, allowing couples to reach mutually beneficial agreements with the assistance of trained professionals.

Protect Your Credit and Assets

Take proactive steps to protect your credit and assets from further harm caused by your spouse's overspending.

Close joint accounts if possible and monitor your credit report regularly for any suspicious activity.

If necessary, seek court orders to prevent your spouse from dissipating marital assets or incurring additional debt during the divorce process.

Document Instances of Financial Misconduct

If your spouse's overspending behavior has crossed into the realm of financial misconduct, document instances of reckless spending or fraudulent activity.

This evidence can be invaluable in court proceedings and may influence decisions related to asset division and spousal support.

Be sure to gather receipts, bank statements, and any other relevant documentation to support your claims.

Conclusion

Divorcing a spouse who overspends uncontrollably requires careful planning and strategic decision-making.

By taking proactive steps to gather financial documentation, consult with a divorce lawyer, consider alternative dispute resolution methods, protect your credit and assets, and document instances of financial misconduct, you can navigate the divorce process more effectively.

While divorce can be emotionally challenging, prioritizing your financial well-being is essential in securing a stable future post-divorce.

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Leaving A Sexless Marriage

Are you feeling like you "want out" of your sexless marriage?

How you tried marriage counseling but it just didn't bring back the "spark"?

For many couples, a common factor that often leads them down the path to separation is a lack of sex or intimacy.

Intimacy goes beyond physical closeness; it encompasses emotional connection, communication, and the overall sense of being deeply connected with one's partner.

One of the fundamental aspects of intimacy is effective communication.

When couples fail to communicate openly and honestly with each other, a rift begins to form.

This breakdown in communication can lead to misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and a sense of emotional detachment.

It's not uncommon for couples to experience these challenges, and recognizing them early on can be crucial for those seeking to strengthen their marriage.

Intimacy is not solely about physical closeness; emotional intimacy is equally crucial.

When partners become emotionally distant, the marriage loses its foundation of connection.

Emotional neglect can result in feelings of loneliness, isolation, and a lack of support.

Over time, spouses may find themselves growing apart, making it difficult to sustain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

While sex is just one aspect of a marriage, its significance should not be underestimated.

A lack of emotional connection often translates into a decline in physical intimacy.

Couples may find themselves drifting apart in the bedroom, leading to feelings of frustration, resentment, and a growing sense of dissatisfaction.

This strain on the physical aspect of the relationship can become a breaking point.

In a marriage, both partners enter with certain needs, expectations, and desires.

When these needs go unmet or expectations are not communicated and understood, resentment can build.

Over time, the unaddressed issues can become insurmountable, creating a wedge between spouses.

Recognizing these dynamics, and taking proactive steps to address them, can be vital for couples looking to strengthen their connection.

In some cases, someone may seek intimacy and connection outside the marriage when it is lacking within.

Emotional or physical infidelity can be a result of unmet needs and the yearning for connection.

Understanding the complexities of these situations is crucial for individuals navigating challenges in their marriage and considering their options for the future.

Addressing the issue of intimacy and its impact on marriage sheds light on the importance of fostering and maintaining connection.

Encouraging open communication, addressing emotional needs, and nurturing both emotional and physical intimacy are vital steps toward building a resilient and lasting marital bond.

IS THERE LEGAL SEPARATION IN NJ?

I'll answer that thoroughly.

Divorcing a Substance-Using Spouse in NJ

It's usually about the "elephant in the living room" situation.

You know, the thing no one talks about but everyone sees.

One of the spouses has a drug problem.

Or an alcohol problem.

Divorce is a complex and emotionally charged process, and when substance abuse becomes a factor, it adds an additional layer of challenges.

If you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of seeking a divorce from a spouse struggling with drug or alcohol abuse in Monmouth County, it's crucial to approach the process with careful consideration and a well-thought-out strategy.

In this article, I'll explore some key steps and considerations to help you successfully navigate a divorce involving a substance-using spouse.

Seek Professional Guidance

The first and most important step is to consult with experienced professionals who specialize in family law and substance abuse issues.

Engage the services of a skilled divorce attorney with a proven track record in New Jersey family law cases involving substance abuse.

They can provide invaluable guidance on navigating the legal complexities associated with divorcing a spouse with a drug dependency.

Document Substance Abuse

When it comes to the legal aspects of divorce, evidence is key.

Document instances of your spouse's substance abuse, including dates, times, and any relevant details.

This documentation can be crucial when presenting your case in court or during negotiations.

Keep a journal, gather any available photographs or videos, and maintain a record of any communication related to their substance use.

Child Custody Considerations

If you have children, their well-being will be a primary concern throughout the divorce process.

New Jersey family courts prioritize the best interests of the child when determining custody arrangements.

Substance abuse can significantly impact these decisions.

Be prepared to present clear and compelling evidence demonstrating how your spouse's drug use may pose a risk to the children.

Restraining Orders

If your spouse's substance abuse poses an immediate threat to your safety or the safety of your children, consider seeking a protective order or restraining order.

Consult with your attorney to understand the legal options available to ensure the well-being of your family during the divorce proceedings.

Substance Abuse Evaluation

In many New Jersey divorce cases involving substance abuse, the court may order a substance abuse evaluation for the affected spouse.

This evaluation is conducted by a qualified professional to assess the extent of the substance abuse issue.

The findings can play a significant role in determining custody arrangements, visitation rights, and even spousal support.

Rehabilitation Options

While the focus may be on legal matters, it's crucial to recognize the potential for rehabilitation.

Encourage your spouse to seek help for their substance abuse issues, as New Jersey courts may view efforts toward rehabilitation positively.

Document any steps taken by your spouse to address their addiction, as this information can be presented during legal proceedings.

Conclusion

Divorcing a spouse with a substance abuse problem is undoubtedly challenging, but with careful planning and strategic decision-making, you can navigate the process successfully.

By seeking professional guidance, documenting substance abuse incidents, prioritizing the well-being of your children, and considering rehabilitation options, you can work towards a resolution that safeguards your interests and lays the foundation for a healthier future.

Remember, you don't have to face this difficult journey alone – enlist the support of experienced professionals to guide you through the complexities of divorce in New Jersey.

IF THIS ARTICLE ON DIVORCING A SUBSTANCE ABUSER IN NJ WAS HELPFUL, THEN LET ME HELP YOU CONTINUE YOUR DIVORCE EDUCATION

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Steve
Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.

Specializing In Divorce
In Monmouth County

5 Professional Circle
Colts Neck, NJ. 07722

www.KaplanDivorce.com
(732) 845-9010

Divorcing a Bipolar Spouse in NJ

Divorcing a spouse whom you suspect has bipolar disorder can present unique challenges, requiring a delicate balance of empathy, understanding, and practicality.

I want to provide you with guidance on how to approach this process with sensitivity.

It's crucial to recognize that not every emotional fluctuation signifies bipolar disorder, and many people who consult with me express concerns about their spouse's mental health without a proper clinical diagnosis.

In this article, I'll delve into useful strategies to navigate divorce proceedings when you suspect your spouse may have bipolar tendencies.

Recognizing the Complexity of Mood Fluctuations: Understand that occasional mood swings or periods of sadness do not necessarily indicate bipolar disorder.

Human emotions naturally fluctuate, and various factors can contribute to changes in mood.
Educate Yourself on Bipolar Disorder: While not every mood swing is indicative of bipolar disorder, it's crucial to understand the condition thoroughly.

Educate yourself about the complexities of bipolar disorder, emphasizing the importance of a professional diagnosis.

This knowledge will help you approach the divorce process with a more informed and empathetic perspective.

Navigating Divorce Proceedings with Sensitivity: When dealing with a spouse whose mental health is in question, approach divorce proceedings with heightened sensitivity.

Recognize that emotional well-being is a multifaceted aspect of an individual's life.

Encourage open communication and seek collaborative solutions while being mindful not to stigmatize or label your spouse based solely on observed behaviors.
Addressing Concerns with Compassion: If you have concerns about your spouse's mental health, acknowledge them with empathy and consider encouraging your spouse to seek professional help.

Highlight the importance of mental health support for both parties during the divorce process.
Seeking Professional Collaboration: Collaborate with mental health professionals to navigate the divorce process effectively.

A collaborative approach involving legal and mental health experts can provide a comprehensive support system for both you and your spouse.

Mental health professionals can contribute valuable insights to address emotional well-being concerns.

By educating yourself and navigating your divorce proceedings with empathy, you can navigate this challenging process with understanding and practicality, protecting your legal interests fully and properly, while also being kind to your spouse.

THERE'S A LOT MORE FREE HELP WHERE THIS ARTICLE CAME FROM

If you are considering separating or filing for divorce, the most important thing for you to do before doing anything else is to learn how to protect yourself, your children, and your assets.

undefined I'll show you how you can do it.

I've been a Monmouth County divorce specialist for 37 years.

I "get it" and I'm here to help.

My free NJ Divorce Course will teach you how to turn your situation around to your advantage.

Every divorce case is different. My emails will teach you, in an easy to understand way, everything that you need to know to help you make the right decisions based upon the particular facts of your situation.

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Are you ready to start turning things around?

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Click the link above and begin learning how to get the "edge" in YOUR New Jersey divorce case.

Until next time,

Steve
Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.

Specializing In Divorce
In Monmouth County

5 Professional Circle
Colts Neck, NJ. 07722

www.KaplanDivorce.com
(732) 845-9010

How Financial Challenges Can Lead to Divorce

Considering that deciding to seek a divorce is usually an emotionally charged decision, it's not uncommon for financial issues to play a significant role in reaching this point.

As you stand at the crossroads of your marriage, it's essential to understand how financial challenges can contribute to the breakdown of a relationship.

In this article, I'll explore the ways in which money matters can strain a marriage, offering insights to those contemplating divorce.

Breakdown in Communication

One of the key factors that can lead to divorce is the breakdown in communication surrounding financial matters.

Many couples find it challenging to openly discuss their financial goals, spending habits, and expectations, which can lead to misunderstandings and resentment.

If you've experienced a lack of effective communication regarding finances in your marriage, you're not alone.

To navigate this issue, it's crucial to initiate open and honest conversations about money.

Understanding each other's financial goals and creating a plan for managing finances together can potentially strengthen the foundation of your marriage.

Seeking professional guidance or attending financial counseling sessions may also be beneficial in fostering better communication.

Clash of Financial Values

Divergent financial values and attitudes toward money often lead to disagreements and conflicts within a marriage.

If you and your spouse have differing views on spending, saving, and long-term financial planning, it can create tension that seems insurmountable.

If you find yourself in this situation, it's essential to explore counseling options to bridge the gap between your financial values.

However, if reaching a compromise seems impossible, it may be an indicator that pursuing a divorce is the right step for both parties.

Financial Betrayal

Financial infidelity, akin to emotional or physical infidelity, can shatter trust within a marriage.

Discovering hidden debts, undisclosed spending, or secretive financial decisions can leave you feeling betrayed and unsure about the future of your relationship.

Addressing financial betrayal requires transparency and a commitment to rebuilding trust.

While some couples can navigate through this challenging terrain with counseling and open communication, others may find that the damage is irreparable, leading to the consideration of divorce as a means of moving forward.

Coping with Economic Stress

External economic factors, such as job loss or unexpected financial crises, can place an immense strain on a marriage.

The stress of financial instability can lead to increased tension and arguments, creating an atmosphere that is detrimental to marital satisfaction.

If you're grappling with economic stress, seeking professional help and finding strategies to cope together can be instrumental in preventing financial challenges from pushing your marriage to the brink.

Understanding that these external factors can impact your relationship allows you to approach the situation with a clearer perspective.

As you contemplate the path ahead, it's crucial to recognize the impact of financial challenges on your marriage.

Initiating open communication, addressing conflicting financial values, and seeking professional guidance can be pivotal in deciding the fate of your relationship.

By acknowledging the role of financial issues in divorce, you empower yourself to make informed decisions about the future, navigating the complexities with resilience and clarity.

IF THIS ARTICLE ON FINANCIAL STRESS AND MARRIAGE WAS HELPFUL, THEN CONTINUE YOUR DIVORCE EDUCATION

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Learn how to protect yourself and make fair deals.

I've written hundreds of articles on New Jersey-specific divorce topics.

Need money during the divorce case? Dealing with a narcissistic spouse? Wondering about moving out and its impact on child custody? Protecting kids from a spouse's substance abuse?

Find a good divorce lawyer with my formula.

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Until next time,

Steve
Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.

Specializing In Divorce
Throughout New Jersey

5 Professional Circle
Colts Neck, NJ. 07722

www.KaplanDivorce.com
(732) 845-9010

Divorcing an Alcoholic in Monmouth County

Divorce is already an emotionally charged process.

Divorcing a husband or a wife who is abusing alcohol always adds an extra layer of complexity.

Alcohol abuse will influence many aspects of your divorce case here in NJ.

For example, child custody and parenting time arrangements often become the focus of a divorce case when one spouse is scared to death of how his or her spouse parents children because of alcohol abuse.

The good news is that in child custody cases, the Court considers the impact of a parent's drinking habits on their ability to provide a stable and safe environment for the children.

To best support your case it's important for you to remember to document instances of irresponsible behavior related to alcohol use to enable you to present a clear picture to the Court.

You should also seek professional help, whether it be individual counseling or support groups.

And a forensic psychologist can be crucial to combat the denial that your spouse will likely put forth (like "I'm not an alcoholic; SHE'S the crazy one!)"

In every divorce case, proper documentation is crucial, but when alcohol is a factor, maintaining a record of specific incidents related to the partner's drinking behavior will be especially valuable to you.

This may include documentation of instances of neglect, verbal or physical abuse, or any actions that may compromise the safety and well-being of the children.

If alcohol is a factor in your divorce, you should stick around this website.

THERE'S A LOT MORE FREE HELP WHERE THIS ARTICLE CAME FROM

If you are considering separating or filing for divorce because your spouse is abusing alcohol, the most important thing for you to do before doing anything else is to learn how to protect yourself, your children, and your assets.

undefined I'll show you how to do it.

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The NJ Divorce School will teach you how to turn your situation around to your advantage.

Getting a divorce from an alcoholic requires you to make many tough decisions.

Making the wrong decision can be the difference between getting a good result (or at least a result that you can live with) and getting a bad result.

Getting "the edge" in your divorce case from your alcoholic spouse will come down to developing the ability to consistently make the right decisions in your case.

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My emails will teach you, in an easy to understand way, everything that you need to know to help you make the right decisions for you, based upon the specific facts of your case and the specific behavior of your alcoholic spouse.

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One click on any email stops the course.

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Because the material is really helpful to anyone who is thinking about getting a divorce in N.J.

Are you ready to start turning things around?

Divorcing an Abusive Spouse in NJ

Divorce is never an easy process, and when it involves an abusive spouse, the challenges can be overwhelming.

In New Jersey, there are specific legal considerations and resources available to someone seeking to dissolve a marriage marred by abuse.

In this article, I will explore the unique aspects of divorcing an abusive spouse in New Jersey, offering guidance and information to those facing this difficult situation.

Legal Protections for Victims of Abuse

New Jersey recognizes the serious nature of domestic violence and provides legal protections for victims seeking a divorce.

In cases of abuse, a victim can obtain a restraining order to ensure their safety and the safety of any children involved.

These orders can include provisions for temporary custody, financial support, and exclusive possession of the marital home.

It is crucial for victims to consult with a knowledgeable attorney who can guide them through the process of obtaining a restraining order and help ensure their rights are protected.

Grounds for Divorce

New Jersey allows for both fault-based and no-fault divorces.

While irreconcilable differences (no-fault) is the most common ground for divorce in New Jersey today, victims of abuse may choose to pursue a fault-based divorce on grounds of extreme cruelty.

Child Custody and Visitation

Child custody is a significant concern in any divorce, but when abuse is a factor, it becomes even more critical.

New Jersey family courts prioritize the best interests of the child when determining custody arrangements.

Evidence of abuse can impact the court's decision, and victims must provide documentation, such as police reports or medical records, to support their case.

In some instances, supervised visitation may be ordered to ensure the child's safety during interactions with the abusive parent.

Financial Considerations

In abusive relationships, financial control is often a tactic used by the abuser to maintain power and control over the victim.

During divorce proceedings, it is crucial for the victim to secure their financial independence.

This may involve seeking alimony, especially if the victim has been economically dependent on the abusive spouse.

An experienced divorce attorney can help assess the financial aspects of the marriage and advocate for a fair distribution of assets and support.

Restraining Orders and Confidentiality

Victims of abuse may fear retaliation from their spouses, even after divorce proceedings begin.

New Jersey law provides for restraining orders that can extend beyond the divorce process, prohibiting the abuser from contacting or harassing the victim.

Conclusion

Divorcing an abusive spouse in New Jersey requires careful navigation of both legal and emotional complexities.

Victims of abuse should prioritize their safety and seek the support of professionals who understand the unique challenges they face.

Consultation with a compassionate and experienced divorce attorney is essential to ensure that the legal process is tailored to address the specific circumstances of an abusive marriage.

By taking the necessary steps to protect themselves and their children, a person can work toward reclaiming her or his live and building a brighter, more secure future.

THERE'S A LOT MORE FREE HELP WHERE THIS ARTICLE CAME FROM

I am going to tell you.

Not many, if any, divorce lawyers WILL tell you, but I am going to tell you.

At the end of this article.

Now, you can cheat, and just go to the bottom and read that part...

But that would be silly.

Because I assume that you are here reading this article to learn how to save money on legal fees.

And that is why I am writing this article: to teach you what drives up the cost of so many divorces so that I can help you avoid doing that to yourself.

If you want to save a lot of money on YOUR divorce, then you need to understand why it is so hard for this question to be answered honestly.

So...if you really want to, ok...go to the bottom and you will see how much the typical divorce in New Jersey costs, from my experience...

But then be sure to come back here to read the rest of the article, or else I fear that you will miss the most important lesson that I offer you: namely, how to keep YOUR legal fees as low as possible.

They taught me in law school back in the 1980's to not answer that question, not to be obnoxious or sneaky or anything like that, but rather because it is impossible to know how the clients will behave, and because client behavior is the #1 reason that divorce costs can skyrocket.

Why is it so difficult for even a highly experienced divorce lawyer to predict what your divorce will cost?

Why don't most divorce lawyers just give you a firm price up front like building contractors do?

Let me answer that question by way of an example that happened to me.

I started practicing exclusively NJ divorce law in September 1987.

My then employer brought one of my first clients, "Barbara" (not her real name), into my office.

At that time, my initial divorce retainer was $4,000.00 and I billed at the rate of $100.00 per hour (needless to say, both rates have gone up quite a bit over the past 37 years.)

During the consultation, Barbara asked me what I thought her divorce would cost her.

I told her that no one knows for sure because it really is a function of how much time she and her husband spend fighting.

I also told her that there are other variables that will affect her final legal bill, including whether her husband hires a cooperative lawyer or a combative lawyer, which judge we get, how complicated the issues are in her particular case, and other related factors.

Out of respect for her, I respectfully refused to guess at how much her total legal bill for her divorce would "likely" be.

Notwithstanding my refusal to estimate the total cost for her divorce, Barbara hired me.

Six weeks later, on November 1, 1987, Barbara called me.

She said, "I'd like to have our 4-year old son, Michael, for Thanksgiving this year. My husband can have Michael for the first day of Hanukkah this year. Next year, we can switch.

Will you please call his lawyer and try to work that out?"

I told her, "Of course, Barbara. I'll call your husband's lawyer now and will discuss the issue with him. There shouldn't be any major problems."

I then called the other lawyer who agreed with me that there shouldn't be any major problems working out that arrangement.

The other lawyer told me that it made sense and that he would speak with his client and get back to me.

The next day, I got a call from the other lawyer who said "Steve, I had an opportunity to speak with my client, David, about Barbara's suggestion.

David does not agree...

Rather, David suggests that this year HE should have Michael for Thanksgiving, Barbara can have Michael for the first day of Hanukkah, and they will switch next year."

I said to the other lawyer, "Well, let me speak with my client and I will get back to you."

I called Barbara and I said "Look, Barbara, I spoke with the other attorney who agreed with both of us that your proposal makes sense.

However, your husband's lawyer then spoke with your husband who sees things differently.

In fact, your husband insists that HE have Michael for Thanksgiving this year, you would get next year, and YOU would get the first day of Hanukkah this year."

Barbara screamed. "Oh, no. That's not going to happen. I insist upon having Thanksgiving this year!"

Well, at this point in the conversation, I reminded her of our discussion about legal fees during our first consultation by saying, "Barbara, do you remember back on September 15th when you first hired me and you asked me how much this case was going to cost you?

Do you remember that I told you that I didn't know, and that it was going to be largely a function of how well you and David cooperate, and also a function of how well his lawyer cooperates with me?

Well, his lawyer and I have been getting along great, but you and he are disagreeing over basic things.

Is it really worth going to Court over this issue?"

To which Barbara replied, "Yes, it is!"

So, I did what Barbara instructed me to do.

I prepared the Court papers.

That took quite a few hours, with Barbara making many revisions.

We went to Court.

That took a few more hours.

I argued that Barbara should have Thanksgiving this year and that her husband should have the first day of Hanukkah.

David's lawyer argued that David should have Thanksgiving this year and Barbara would have the first day of Hanukkah.

The judge ruled in Barbara's favor and she had Thanksgiving Day with the child in 1987.

Why do I tell you this?

Because this is an article about what can be done to reduce the cost of your divorce.

I want you to know that Barbara spent her entire $4,000.00 initial retainer fighting over who was going to have Thanksgiving that year.

She then needed to come up with another $4000 retainer to continue moving the case forward.

And so, this goes back to the initial question that Barbara asked me during our consultation, namely, "How much is this divorce likely to cost me?"

If I had attempted to guess at the answer at that time, by the end of her case I would have been way off, and Barbara would have viewed me as being dishonest with her.

Indeed, when I first met Barbara, I had no idea how she and David were going to fight over Thanksgiving.

I did know that if they fought over relatively insignificant issues that they would likely spend a whole lot more money than they otherwise might.

So how can you dramatically reduce the cost of your divorce?

There are 5 "takeaways" from this article:

1.Never forget that divorce lawyers bill hourly.

2.Don't fight over relatively insignificant things.

3.Keep your focus on the big picture of what you are trying to achieve.

4.Try to treat the negotiation of your divorce case like any other significant negotiation in your life.

5.And...before you begin to negotiate, you will need to have a complete grasp on your assets, your debts, your income...you will need to first prepare a complete Case Information Statement.

If you are concerned about getting the best legal representation available but also having control over the cost of divorce, then it is important for you to understand that lawyers bill hourly for all of their time.

So try to keep a journal of your questions so that when you call your lawyer, you can get more "bang for your buck".

SO HOW MUCH DOES IT COST ALREADY?

For a short marriage, no kids, no assets, no debts, no fighting...easy case...very little.

But once you add in facts like a longer marriage, kids, assets, debts, and fighting, then in my experience in the average case, each side will likely spend between $15,000 to $25,000 per person IN THE AVERAGE CASE.

Yup.

That has been my experience as a divorce lawyer in New Jersey for the past 37 years.

And I'm not talking about just MY clients...I'm talking about the average cost for any highly experienced New Jersey divorce lawyer, based upon what I have seen.

Now...that is for a "typical" case.

YET...many cases cost much less...and many cases cost much more.

Why? (did you skip the part above where I explain in detail why)?

THE BOTTOM LINE

The cost of a divorce in New Jersey is a function of how much time the attorneys spend on the case.

The amount of time spent by the lawyers is a function of how much emotion the clients have, how they direct that emotion, how complex the legal issues are, how cooperative the lawyers are with each other, who the judge is, and many other factors.

But lawyers bill hourly at the rate of hundreds of dollars an hour, depending upon the particular lawyer.

If little time is required, the bill will be low.

If a lot of time is required, the bill will be significantly higher.

Would you like me to teach you how to keep the cost of your divorce as low as possible?

Then stick around this website...I'll give you hundreds of useful tips that you will really find helpful.

THERE'S A LOT MORE FREE HELP WHERE THIS ARTICLE CAME FROM

Topics: Divorce

Colts Neck Divorce Lawyer Steven J. Kaplan, Esq. (Clone)

MY FORMAL BACKGROUND

I graduated Rutgers College in 1980 with a degree in Economics, a minor in English, and a concentration in Computer Science.

All of this has been extremely useful to me as a divorce lawyer.

The Economics study helps me when we negotiate the financial parts of my cases.

The English training helps me argue persuasively, both in writing and orally to the Court.

And the computer training helped me become one of the more computer-literate divorce lawyers in Monmouth County.

I believe that all of these skills are critical to being an effective divorce lawyer.

I graduated from Brooklyn Law School in1983.

During law school I was certified as a Mediator. This was in 1982--way before divorce mediation became popular. I was mediating cases from the beginning.

I practiced law in my own general practice in Manhattan until 1986 when I returned to New Jersey. I found an opportunity to learn how to become a great divorce lawyer by working in divorce court as NJ Superior Court Judge Ronald B. Graves' law clerk.

In 1987 at the end of my clerkship with Judge Graves, I began practicing exclusively divorce law. This is what I have done ever since.

I was hired by one of the larger Monmouth County law firms.

I worked my way up over the next 9 years, from the newest associate attorney in the divorce department ultimately to the Co-Chairman of the firm's Divorce department.

After 10 years with this firm, in 1997 I started my own divorce law practice which is in Colts Neck right by "Delicious Orchards."

I was named a divorce "SuperLawyer" by NJ Monthly Magazine for 5 consecutive years, was on Monmouth County's Divorce "Early Settlement Panel" for over 20 years, and was Chairman of the Early Settlement Panel for 3 years.

I also spent decades as a member of the Monmouth County Bar Association's Family Law Committee, beginning in 1987.

Because of my technical knowledge, several years ago I gave a Continuing Legal Education seminar on "Computers in the Law Office" to the Family Law Committee.

I have lived in Monmouth County since 1987 and enjoy some of the great things that Monmouth County has to offer, including boating, the beach, our dogs and visits to the barn to watch my daughter and my wife ride horses.

Also, I received my Eagle Scout award at age 16 in 1973. Working toward the Eagle rank was one of the most significant things that I have ever done. It was all about integrity, hard work, and helping other people. Good stuff.

I paid for both college and law school by playing guitar with a band.

BUT NONE OF THAT MADE ME AN EFFECTIVE DIVORCE LAWYER.

THIS DID:

Most of what I know about divorce I learned after I graduated from law school.

My two most influential "teachers" of divorce law were a young boy and a wise Judge.

Let me explain...

IT WAS AUGUST OF 1986...

He was only 2-1/2 years old...

He looked confused that warm summer night when I first met him and his 6 year old sister.

My then-girlfriend and I were sitting in the family room of her house, the house that she had received in her divorce.

She told me about her parents' nasty divorce that happened when she was 15 years old.

I remember how pained she looked while telling me. The pain from half-her-lifetime-ago seemed so real and so present.

She herself had been divorced for a year and a half.

We had known each other for about 2 months, and I was about to meet her kids for the first time.

Her ex-husband, a builder, pulled into the driveway of the house that HE had built with his own two hands.

How weird I felt dating a divorced woman my age, who had two children with another man, sitting in the house that HE had built, next to HIS ex-wife, and with HIS kids about to enter the house, while he sat outside in his car.

THE LITTLE BOY'S BLANK LOOK

The little boy and his sister got out of their father's car, walked up the sidewalk, and through the front door of the house and into the foyer.

As I was introduced to the children, the little boy just looked up at the ceiling, then at the wallpaper to his right, and then at the stairs to the left, as if he was seeing this place--his home since birth-- for the first time.

He did not look at his mother, nor did he look at me.

He was experiencing a culture shock, going from Mom's home with one set of how-things-were-done to Dad's home with a different way of doing things, and then back again to Mom's.

All within 48 hours.

The look on his face was just confusion, as if to say 'who am I, what exactly happened, and how do I fit in to all of this?'

My heart broke for him, but I didn't know how to comfort him.

Welcome, Steve Kaplan, to the real world of divorce.

Painful stuff.

ONE MONTH LATER (SEPTEMBER 1986)...

I began my judicial clerkship with Judge Ronald B. Graves in the NJ Family Court.

Shortly after beginning my clerkship, the judge and I were having a discussion.

I said to him, "You know, Judge, this year is sort of like high school biology for me."

"What do you mean?" His Honor asked me.

I said, "Well, in high school biology, we had lectures on certain days, and lab on other days.

In the lectures, we learned the theory of biology, but it was in the lab that we really learned what biology was all about in the real world, in life.

The judge responded by saying, "And how does that relate to your role as my law clerk?"

"Well," I continued, "I am dating a divorced woman with two kids who comes from a divorced home herself.

When I work with Your Honor during the week, I am learning theory, just liked I did in high school biology lectures.

But when I go to my girlfriend's house on the weekend, and I see how a divorced mother and father interact with each other, how the children behave, and how that split family functions, that's like the biology lab... that's the real world.

DIVORCE THEORY vs. DIVORCE IN THE REAL WORLD

It was true.

Those 2 overlapping experiences from 36 years ago were crucial in helping me understand the differences between the theory of divorce law, and what actually tends to happen in the real world.

Through my interactions with my then-girlfriend (now my wife of 32 years) and her kids (my stepson went from 2-1/2 to age 39 in the blink-of-an-eye, & my step-daughter is now 42), I learned about the challenges that divorce creates.

Naturally, not only was the divorce traumatic for my girlfriend's two young children, but my girlfriend herself had some of the normal fears that so many divorced parents have, like:

Was the father's house safe enough?
Did the father drive the children after drinking alcohol?
Was the father teaching the children the same values that she was trying to instill?
Were the children being watched carefully at the beach?

HOW MY BACKGROUND HELPS ME TO HELP MY CLIENTS

You CAN make it through your divorce and on to a happier life.

But I'll tell you that for me, "living divorce" both professionally and personally for the last 35 years has taught me something that a lot of people don't know: the process of getting a divorce in the real world is "broken."

The system is imperfect.

Judges aren't always fully trained.

And even those judges who are well-trained aren't always right.

There are some divorce lawyers who are also not well-trained, and a few who are less-than-ethical.

When one party disobeys a court order, the other party can sometimes have a hard time enforcing it through the courts.

My point is that knowing how divorce is supposed to work versus how divorce actually works in the real world lets me use my extensive professional and personal experiences with divorce for the benefit of my clients.

I can help you, too.

HERE'S HOW I CAN HELP YOU BEGINNING RIGHT NOW

My labor of undefined love is my NJ Divorce Edge educational program.

In my spare time (lol!) I write about divorce topics in an effort to help educate people who are considering getting a divorce.

My course is constantly being updated.

What???? You haven't checked it out yet? Come on...take a look...it's free and it's really going to help you.

You don't even need to use your full name. All I need is your first name (so that I can personalize my letters to you) and your email address.

You'll immediately receive my article called "Introduction To The NJ Divorce Process."

It's a powerful short 10 minute read that will help you the minute you start reading it.

CLICK HERE to learn about my free NJ DIVORCE EDGE 2024 course.Then sign up. If you don't love it, it's easy to unsubscribe.

But you won't want to.

Until next time,

Steve
Steven J. Kaplan, Esq.

Specializing In Divorce
Throughout New Jersey

5 Professional Circle
Colts Neck, NJ. 07722

www.KaplanDivorce.com
(732) 845-9010