As a Colts Neck, NJ Divorce Attorney, I get many questions from potential clients about adultery.
There is a lot of confusion out there about how NJ divorce court judges treat people who have been unfaithful to their spouses.
The fact is, some states "punish" someone who commits adultery.
New Jersey does not.
That is to say, in most cases, the fact that one side committed adultery will not affect alimony, child support, property distribution, child custody or parenting time.
I understand that if your spouse cheated on you and you are looking for reliable information online about what your "rights" are, this article may not be what you were hoping to hear.
After all, you and your spouse both made a commitment NOT to cheat, and your spouse broke that commitment.
That is wrong, and you are looking for a remedy.
In New Jersey, the only realistic "remedy" is staying together (either with or without marriage counseling) or separating from or divorcing your spouse.
The Judge is not going to make your spouse "pay" for his or her mistake.
In some other states, judges DO penalize spouses who have committed adultery.
Not so in New Jersey.
I remember vividly my first adultery case as a young divorce lawyer, the first time that I was asked by a new potential client about the likely affect of her own adultery on her upcoming divorce.
It was September 1987.
I was just hired toward the end of my clerkship with the NJ Family Court by a great law firm.
The Senior Partner brought a new potential client in to meet with me.
Then he left.
My first client! (That was over 5000 clients ago...)
At some point during our consultation, the potential client asked me if it would hurt her case if her husband found out that she had a boyfriend.
I was a brand-new young lawyer and I didn't know the answer.
So I told her the truth: "...I don't know the answer to your question. But let's find out..."
I went back to the Senior Partner and told him the client's question.
He stormed back into my office.
Looking at the potential client, he said, "You could have sex with [he didn't say "sex with"...he used a powerfully descriptive four letter word...anyway] the entire NY Giants football team and it won't affect your husband's alimony obligation to you!"
Then he turned around and stormed back out (he was very knowledgeable about divorce, and he loved the Giants, but sensitivity was not his strong point.)
But he was correct...
THE BOTTOM LINE
Divorce is a challenging and emotional experience.
If your spouse committed adultery, you have some serious soul-searching to do to determine if counseling is the route that you wish to take or if divorce might be in your future.
If it might be helpful to you, I'd be happy to provide you with the names of some Monmouth County marriage counselors who have helped some of my prior clients.
Just call my office at (732) 845-9010 and Valerie will be able to help you.
